Finding Balance Between Healthy and Unhealthy Anxiety

By Concentric Counselor Charles Weiss, LPC

There are 10 seconds left of the clock in the state championship game and your team is down by 2 points.  You have the ball and the fate of the team is in your hands on what will you do next, either pass or take the game winning shot.  Sweat is protruding down your face, your heart is beating a thousand miles a hour, your mind is racing with a million and one different case scenarios on what you should do and then your anxiety starts to take over.  However, you realized that your anxiety has allowed you to think quicker on your feet and make better decisions, because you don’t let it control and consume you.  3, 2, 1 and throw up a prayer of shot from about 35 feet away from the basket, knowing that being vulnerable to your anxiety, you can live with the consequences…  Swish!  Game over and you have just won the state championship for your team.

Anxiety… What is it and what does to mean to us when it begins to take control; do we let it control our consciousness or embrace it as an opportunity of growth and self-discovery?  According to dictionary.com, anxiety is defined as “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.”

When outcomes are uncertain to us in which we want to control, but can’t, anxiety can consume our every decision, thought and feeling.  It leads to panic, fear and vulnerability to the unknown, having us over-analyze every decision we make, postulating those “what if” scenarios.  Anxiety can so debilitating to someone when it’s severe and impacts our day-to-day activities.  Plain and simple, anxiety can suck!  Nobody wants to constantly live a life of panic, fear, worry and dread, wondering all the time, “What if?” When you let anxiety take control and inhibit your ability to just be “you”, it becomes unhealthy.

Is there a way to gain back that control over anxiety before it begins to consume us, crippling our sense of self and being vulnerable to “What if…?”  Anxiety is your body’s indication that something isn’t right, like a built-in warning system indicating that your homeostasis might be out of balance.  When we listen to our body as it talks to us and yes, our body does speak to us, you can begin to prepare and embrace for its impact and figure out how to manage it. Certain symptoms to be mindful of that can alert us when something “isn’t right” and anxiety begins to manifest itself within us, are the following:

·        Racing thoughts

·        Irritability

·        Headaches

·        Nausea/upset stomach

·        Disturbed sleep

·        Muscle tension/tightness

·        Shortness of breath

·        Mind going blank

·        Difficulty concentrating/focusing

·        Fatigued

·        Palpitations

When we are able to listen to these symptoms we experience, then we can to things to keep these symptoms in check before they exacerbate. Taking the time to do a body scan, deep breathing exercises, mindfulness exercises, progressive muscle relaxation techniques can all help keep the heightened level of anxiety at bay.

Can anxiety be healthy?

Anxiety can also be a way to motivate yourself to reach your goals and achievements that you have established.  It can better help prepare yourself to face as well as overcome challenges. When we approach anxiety as a hindrance, it can become unhealthy. You can instead capitalize on it as more of a way to inspire your self-growth and to live a more authentic life.  According to Katharina Star, Ph.D., anxiety is another way people can be more empathetic towards other people’s issues and concerns, and help with how they interact with others. She also stated that individuals who struggle with anxiety are often more cautious thinkers, problem solvers and decision makers because they are often building-in “back-up plans” for when things go wrong. 

Bottom line, anxiety isn’t always bad and unhealthy when individuals experience it, it can be a way people thrive if they are able to recognize it, understand it, and know how to cope and properly channel the healthy aspects of it. People can still live fully authentic lives when experiencing anxiety, it’s when it takes control and we begin to panic, that derails aspects of our lives.

If you are experiencing at least 3 symptoms of anxiety, that have been affecting your ability to function on a day-to-day basis in a variety of settings (i.e.: school, work, home) and those symptoms have been occurring for at least 6 months in which you find it very difficult to control that worry and anxiety, please contact your local mental health provider and schedule an appointment with a professional who can help you learn how to regain control over your anxiety and transform it into a healthier form of anxiety for you. 

The Role of Anxiety in Living an Authentic Life

By Concentric Counselor Christian Younginer, LPC, NCC

To be brief, anxiety can suck. The persistent worry of imagined scenarios can plague the mind and exhaust the body. It can manifest as brief periods of pronounced worry, a baseline worry for all things, and even panic attacks. But I would like to offer a perspective that may be overlooked in coping with anxiety. That is, can my anxiety teach me something?

Specifically, can my anxiety teach me how to live an authentic, meaningful life? This question shapes Existential Therapy. At its broadest, existential therapy is the endeavor of understanding one’s existence in a therapeutic setting. This is done via an honest exploration of one’s freedom, choice, responsibility, meaning, and inevitable death. Existential psychotherapist Irvin Yalom conceptualizes much of anxiety as death-anxiety (Existential Psychotherapy, p.189). That is, persistent anxiety can be explained as an underlying worry about a life without meaning in the face of approaching death. Death is what allows life to have meaning. If there were no end, then for what should we live? The finiteness of life can motivate, intimidate, and terrify. However, it is this anxiety that can be the canary in the mine of our life.

As we work, study, sleep, parent, eat, play, drive, and journey through life, meaning and purpose can slip through the cracks. Anxiety can creep in, seeming to have no definable impetus. Often enough the death of a loved one, or a diagnostic medical scare can bring perspective -- wherein we confront our death. But one does not need to wait for such a moment to ask these questions, such as “Why am I here?”, “What does it mean to exist?”, and “What is my purpose?”.

Anxiety can be that canary that alerts us of an inauthentic life. It warns of the finiteness of life, and the importance of living a life with meaning. This often manifests as a vague sensation of “running out of time”. Without meaning, one can find life pointless or trite. The finiteness of life no longer motivates, it terrifies. But if we listen to what our anxiety is telling us, perhaps we can redirect our lives towards meaning.

How does one do this?

An example from philosophy may be of use. In Frederick Nietzsche’s The Gay Science, Nietzsche offers the reader an aphorism he titles ‘The Heaviest Burden’. He proceeds to ask the reader: if a demon were to order that you must live this life in eternal recurrence, every moment, detail, pain, and triumph- would you thank him or curse him? (The Gay Science, Aphorism #341). So, do I live my life in such a way that were I to re-live this life on repeat, I would praise the demon with gratitude for the opportunity? Or would this prospect bring about the abysmal dread of re-living a meaningless life? It is this precise idea where anxiety comes into play. Am I experiencing the anxiety and dread of a life not worth re-living?

It is this question that can help steer us towards meaning. Do I live in such a way that were I to re-live this life on repeat, would I be in joyful contentment or in abysmal dread? This is a tough question with which to be confronted. However, we can use this question as a beginning: the moment one begins to ask “does my life have meaning?”. Rather than be frozen by the possible dread this question instills, one can frame this as the moment in which a new life begins. As always, Confucius said it best, “ We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.”

Determining WHAT is meaningful is a personal journey that can take time to uncover. But knowing thyself was important to Plato for a reason. It is this existential journey of a human confronted with death, through anxiety, uncovering that which gives their life meaning.

To conclude, yes, anxiety does suck. But as we work to cope with it, let us ask -- What is this anxiety trying to teach me?  Anxiety very well may lead us away from the existential dread of an unexamined life, and instead towards finding a meaningful life worthy of repeating.

A Thoughtfully Designed & Researched Blueprint of Your Relationship & Marriage

By Concentric Counselors Katie Ho, LPC, NCC & Jennifer Larson, LCPC, NCC

A large part of the human experience, including the joys, losses and challenges, gravitate around relationships. In social and cultural regards, finding a partner and committing to a person can be a marker of happiness, success or accomplishment. But like with any experience, obstacles lay ahead. All couples find themselves navigating conflict, life transitions or faced with heavy decisions, and the related stress that comes with these expected issues.

There are some couples, however, which continue to exist in this perpetual conflict - one that doesn’t appear to have any resolution and creates continual gridlock. Or perhaps there has been a significant breach of trust, or betrayal. Maybe communication is poor, and creates dysfunction during arguments or otherwise, or possibly there has been a traumatic event which has challenged the feelings of safety within the relationship. All of these reasons, and those that might even fall in-between, can be indicators that a couple may benefit from entering couples therapy.

Seeking couples therapy takes courage, as much as it takes hope - hope that the relationship can be repaired or healed, or maybe hope that both individuals can find strength in different directions. Using over 40 years of research, The Gottman Method - developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman - has helped couples and clinicians create a blueprint of understanding the dysfunction within relationships and the need for building friendship, shared meaning and intimacy. This method was created to serve a deep need in helping find effective intervention for couples looking for repair, healing and happiness. It serves as a theory in which people are able to know both themselves and their partner on a more meaningful level, fostering intimacy, positive affect and skillful conflict management.

When a couple is seeking therapy, there can sometimes be an already significant level of distress present. In their research, the Gottmans found that on average it can take up to 6 years before a couple will seek therapy! This can mean there is a long history of experiences, life phases or challenges that have a need to be explored and understood. Partners may feel overwhelmed, flooded or unsure of where to even begin the healing journey. This highlights the need for a trained couples therapist, equipped with scientific evidence-based practices and the skills to empathize equally with both individuals to help navigate that process.

In working to repair and strengthen a relationship, much like with building a house, there has to be certain core foundational components. The Sound Relationship House from the Gottman Method explains that at its roots, marriage and relationships need to be built on friendship. The essential components of friendship are described as ‘Building Love Maps’, ‘Sharing Fondness and Admiration’ and ‘Turning Towards’. In the first mentioned, to build a Love Map means to truly understand know your partner’s internal world.

People’s internal world changes over time; who are the current people they are involved with, what are their immediate and long-term hopes and dreams, ambitions, or experiences from childhood that may be playing into their current situations. Asking open-ended questions, remembering the answers and actively listening promotes genuine connectedness and friendship. Sharing fondness and admiration, and turning towards your partner, are other components to strengthening and building the friendship of a marriage or relationship. They focus on scanning the environment for what one’s partner is doing right and engaging in appreciation, affection and respect. Additionally, the last level of foundation in ‘turning towards’ describes opportunities for couples to accept and receive bids from the other partner for emotional connection.

The higher levels of The Sound Relationship House include ‘The Positive Perspective’, ‘Manage Conflict’, ‘Make Life Dreams Come True’ and ‘Create Shared Meaning’. These levels of building a healthy relationship are built upon those above-mentioned ideas of friendship. They encompass skills necessary to navigate conflict and life changes, promoting positive affect and a deeper understanding of their partner’s underlying values and dreams and building a life of meaning together. Couples therapy addresses both the necessity for positive connection and friendship, while also acknowledging the dysfunction which makes that task more challenging.

Construction of homes need to be buttressed and supported by its internal supports otherwise houses would collapse.  The same is true of intimate relationships. Every relationship or marriage needs the supports and pillars of 'Trust' and 'Commitment' for stability, safety, and security.  If the 'Trust' or 'Commitment' reinforcements on The Sound Relationship House have been significantly damaged, the relationship can feel shattered and even decimated requiring much repairing and rebuilding.  Sometimes a relationship can be so damaged so that we tell couples relationship #1 has been damaged as if a hurricane or storm came barreling through wiping out your home.  The devastation and trauma is real, but with hope, commitment, and efforts, we can help you re-build relationship #2 as in the case when people experience great natural disaster in their communities requiring building home #2.  Some feel as though it requires blood, sweat and tears, but building relationship #2 can be done collaboratively with the support and care of a highly, skilled and trained couples therapist.   

Having the skills to identify and change maladaptive communication styles and behaviors that plague relationships is of equal value. In our work at Concentric Counseling & Consulting and using the Gottman Method, we incorporate the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - which is a metaphor in describing what can be a predictor for the end of a relationship. These include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. In working with couples to address these maladaptive behaviors, the couples therapist will explain the antidotes, or remedies to address these bad habits in the work towards building healthier ones.

The goal for any couple is to promote understanding, connection, love, growth, and healing. That can look differently for every couple, as every couple experiences their own unique set of challenges and circumstances. The benefit of seeking a therapist trained in a data-driven theory and method such as the Gottman Method is that interventions and treatment plans are tailored to that couples’ needs through the use of thorough assessments and a framework that has been built based on research. The process to having a better, more enjoyable and healthy relationship takes commitment and hard work, but the reward exists within both the outcome and the journey.

For more information on The Gottman Method and services offered by Gottman-trained therapists at Concentric Counseling & Consulting, visit https://www.gottman.com/ and www.concentricchicago.com/couples-marriage-counseling.

A Therapist's New Year's Resolution

By Concentric Owner & Counselor Jennifer Larson, LCPC, NCC

In only a few more days, 2017 will come to a close.  It will be a time to think ahead – many will ignite their New Year’s resolutions.  While I may not routinely come up with New Year’s resolutions, I do think about and write down my personal desires and goals throughout the year.  And, I have decided that I will come up with a New Year’s resolution for 2018.  Before I share my resolution, I would like to share part of my roadmap that has led me to this juncture.

As I have engaged in reflection, I found myself returning back to a perpetual theme that would emerge and re-emerge over this past year.  One particular theme is what I will name as the ‘non-self-disclosing' therapist vs. the 'self-disclosing' therapist wrestling match.  I have no idea when the sport of wrestling season begins and ends, but I can tell you this particular wrestling match has persisted season after season. And, my hope for 2018 is the self-disclosing therapist will take the lead and possibly bring the wrestling match to a close someday soon.     

Let’s start back when these 2 wrestlers first met.  Perhaps they were both first introduced way back when, before the days of graduate school as 'non-self-disclosing' me vs. 'self-disclosing' me.  In my formative years, I grappled with how much to disclose and how much not to disclose my vulnerabilities. And if I did, I chose wisely with a very select few.  Some would say this is normal as we need privacy and boundaries while others may offer a difference of opinion.  Now, let’s fast forward to when I enter into graduate school where I am confronted again with choosing and deciding on how much to disclose.  This time it is focused more on me as an emerging therapist, not me personally.  In the earlier stages of education, students learn about various theoretical orientations and the relevance and implications of non-disclosing and disclosing to one’s clients. 

Just after the start of the millennium, I recall being enthralled with the tug-of-war game that was played during a semester course on ethics.  Our instructor was instrumental in leading the charge on getting all of us graduate students to really explore how to handle ethical dilemmas that can and will mostly likely confront a professional counselor, social worker, or psychologist.  Depending on the topic, some students would sinuously form into 2 teams, tugging and vying for one end (yes, it’s okay to self-disclose to a client; yes, it’s okay to hug certain clients upon closing a session), while the other group pulled and vied in the other direction (no, it’s not okay to self-disclose and hug a client). It was one of my favorite graduate courses as our professor and the course curriculum gave us the space and freedom to think critically and to share our perspectives and beliefs.  Some topics called upon us to unequivocally unite together whereas other topics had students participating in the game of tug-of-war, and well some (ahem) left all of us pooling together in the middle, gray area -- scratching our heads saying, “It just depends, it’s not so black-and-white.”    

Does a therapist merely act as a ‘blank slate’ allowing for one to free associate more easily? Or does a therapist offer some disclosure about their experience and feelings in relation to one’s client (countertransference)?  As therapists, do we divulge some our personal, relatable experiences, such as, “I share the same fear of heights as you do – here are tools that have been helpful to me.”  To disclose or not became even further embedded post graduate school during professional training courses and consultation. And for good reason, this particular topic warrants so much attention in the world of psychotherapy.  I understand the clinical relevance and implications – I get it. 

Over the past 15 years with greater professional and personal life experiences, I have found myself continuing to think about the inquiry of the self-disclosing therapist. At times, I have put forth a tidbit of self-disclosure when I believed it to be ‘clinically appropriate’ or when it simply felt right.  The self-disclosing therapist is not uncommon for some psychotherapists, and it's probably still one of the more debated issues in the field.  Over the past year or so, the inquiry in my mind has expanded beyond the closed doors where therapist-client, supervisor-supervisee, and consultant-consultee relationships are formed, maintained and evolve.  

Questions continue to knock on my door, such as, do I as a therapist share my story (or stories) with others publicly?  Is there value in therapists who choose to open up in a more public forum?  How about us therapists taking our practice even further by exercising vulnerability and using our voice through other outlets?  Are age and credibility in the field some of the salient determinants when choosing to publicly divulge as a professional?  What is too much to self-disclose in written form? Could casting a wider net be detrimental to a therapist’s profession?

While these particular questions have lobbed around in my head for just over a year now; admittedly, they have not been all ‘heady’ taking up rent in my mind.  Sometimes (and many times), I would simply experience this feeling inside of me – near my heart or gut – nudging me to share more and to share with more people.  Stop thinking so much and just take action.  Take the leap and have faith.  Even a call to duty would emerge from within as well.  But why and for what purpose?  The answers didn’t seem readily available to me.  And then over the past few months, it all became clearer.

Earlier in 2017, I learned about On The Table and the #BreakTheSilence initiative by The Kennedy Forum.  I was immediately pulled in as I loved the mission and purpose of this initiative.  Bring people together to give people an opportunity and space to talk about mental health in effort to reduce the stigma that still hovers around and shrouds the already cocoon existence of mental health. The idea is that when more people talk about a topic – in this case mental health and addiction – a positive rippling effect can ensue. 

The more people talk about mental health…

• The easier it will be for all of us to talk about it.

• Better yet, the easier it will be for all of us to talk about it without feeling shame, crazy, or embarrassment.

• The more we will feel safe and free of judgment.

The more people talk about mental health, the more…

• People will seek out help.

• We will honor and view mental health as another facet of humanity and life, just as we do with other areas, such as our physical health.

• We will advocate for change across cultures, families, and even within the helping professional field.

• Opportunity for positive changes within the health care insurance industry.

The continual, cascading effect.  The more people talk about mental health and addiction…

• The more we will become intimate and experience love.

• The more we will be empathic and compassionate.

• The more we will be more understood and connected.

• The healthier we will all become and the more lives will be saved.

Who doesn’t want to experience these things for themselves and others? 

Concentric Counseling & Consulting hosted its first On The Table Discussion on May 16, 2017.  The turn out and experience was inspiring and moving. We even shared people’s stories, experiences and solutions for people to read in our blog.  However, the Concentric’s therapists served as hosts and guides – we were not active participants in this discussion.  No self-disclosing.  This is not a terrible thing, but the knocking on my door didn’t go away.  Should we have re-considered actively participating in this dialogue?  Sharing would mean ‘more people’ talked about mental health and addiction, right? 

There have been other initiatives and movements this year, including one of the more recent ones that started in October 2017. The #MeToo movement gained momentum and traction which has given people collective permission to break free of the shackles that have promoted and reinforced silence, inequality, sexual harassment, discrimination, and assault, shame, and for some, the cocoon existence of mental health. The #MeToo movement encouraged women to share their stories in effort to give people permission to break their silence to unite and to bring greater awareness about the prevalence of sexual misconduct.  The more people talk about their experiences and hardships, the same effects will occur as with the more people talk about mental health and addiction.  Movements like these promote the cascade effect which in turn promote movements – a positive feedback loop. 

All of these experiences along my personal roadtrip have touched and impacted me.  And, while I recognize that I am helping people, I have also recognized that choosing (more times than not) the non-self-disclosing therapist may just not be as helpful.  I believe in the importance of using one’s voice, honoring one’s experiences with integrity and respect, and I want to help become a part of the bigger picture.  I want to talk more about mental health and addiction publicly in effort to help achieve with many others a positive cascade effect.  It won’t be easy for me, that I know. Truthfully, I am not quite sure where to start, what I will disclose about and which platforms to traverse.  What I do know is I now have a clearer understanding of the persistent themes that knocked on my door.  My deeper desires and hopes for all by talking about mental health.

So, my New Year’s resolution for 2018 is for me as a therapist is to start leaning in, to become more of a self-disclosing therapist by sharing more publicly some of my own mental health challenges and triumphs.  Happy New Year Everyone! 

Your Voice Matters: Honest Discussion about Mental Health and Addiction

By Concentric Counselor Jennifer Larson, LCPC, NCC

It’s been about 3 months since Concentric Counseling & Consulting hosted its first On The Table 2017 conversation, and I am still impacted by the experience.  First let me backpedal to how I first learned about The Kennedy Forum, one of the co-sponsors of On The Table. 

It was the Fall of 2015 and I was having a conversation with my friend Caroline McAteer about various social issues and she had asked me if I heard of The Kennedy Forum.  Much to my chagrin, I had sheepishly told her that I hadn’t.  She told me about The Kennedy Forum’s mission and details of their annual meeting.  I was instantly intrigued and had to dig in.

Of the many things learned, one of them was Patrick Kennedy of The Kennedy Forum and his involvement with The Mental Health and Addiction Parity Act of 2008; he is still putting forth advocacy efforts to have The Act enforced on a national level.  I remember the buzz just before The Act went into federal law as I knew all too well the red tape and consequences people, including my own therapy clients, faced with limited mental health sessions imposed by insurance companies.

Fast forward to Spring 2017, and I learned about On The Table initiatives (co-sponsored by The Kennedy Forum and The Chicago Community Trust). Once again, I was intrigued.  On The Table initiative is about having people host open and honest conversations about mental health and addiction in effort to #BreakTheSilence and eliminate the stigma around mental illness and addiction that still greatly exists. 

As a counselor, I regularly encourage my clients to use their voice whether it is to share, increase vulnerability or intimacy, honor or advocate for oneself, and to work through the shame that often plagues people with mental illness and addiction. 

The focus of psychotherapy with my clients typically entails understanding and resolving challenges with one’s intrapsychic and interpersonal relationships (represented by inner concentric circles, hence the name Concentric) versus the larger, social systems (outer concentric circles).  Participating and joining forces with other hosts to help end the stigma associated with mental health and addiction while giving people an opportunity to use their voice fit Concentric’s mission with helping others to your their voice – but this time on a macro level.    

On May 16, 2017, the therapists at Concentric Counseling & Consulting hosted its first On The Table 2017 conversation in Millennium Park, across the street from our office.  It was an unseasonably warm and windy day, and our topic was "Your Voice Matters: Mental Health and Addiction.  Honest Discussion About Why More People Don't Seek Out Help." 

We had an incredibly diverse group of people who actively participated.  It was such an honor to hear people’s stories and ideas about why more people don’t seek out help.  So many stories and barriers were shared.  Common themes emerged and were extracted.  Follows are some of the common themes people described that either prevented them or others they know from seeking services:

• Stigma, embarrassment, and shame. Seeking help is seen as a weakness. What will my family and friends really think about me? Will I be seen as a ‘nutcase?’ Denial about having a problem or my ego getting in the way.

• Financial burden and obligations. Lacking financial resources all together. Treatment is a privilege for only those who can afford it. Lack or poor insurance coverage. All of the convoluted layers to insurance coverage.

• Lack of information and available resources on how and where to find mental health and addiction services. Example given was local university offered free counseling services to its students but was not aware of services until his senior year of college. Not knowing how to access services or where to start. Location and other barriers to gaining access to solid services.

• Cultural barriers and roadblocks, including families of certain cultures not supportive of mental health services. Experience with providers who lack cultural, gender identity, and sexual orientation competence. Religious barriers and lack of supports within religious communities.

It is a reminder to all of that us that suffering from mental illness and/or addition is hard in of itself, not to mention having to endure additional barriers that get in the way of seeking and accessing help.  Some of the solutions shared were not only to address or remove the aforementioned barriers and roadblocks, but to focus on the equity of mental and physical health. 

People remarked how it is much easier and more acceptable to talk about their physical ailments, but not their mental health.  Let’s look at people wholistically and give the mental health side the same due attention and respect.  Another solution shared was to target childhood prevention. 

One of the guests remarked in early childhood, we learn the importance of daily hygiene, such as brushing our teeth daily.  Why not introduce conversation around mental health care at an early age or make mental health education mandatory in schools.   Also, when providing education on mental illness and addiction, don’t use extreme or scare tactics, such as the “This is Your Brain” drug campaign did in the 1980s.  Guests remarked it only silences people more. Instead, provide a spectrum of information that can resonate with or speak to a variety of people across all ages and cultures.

My hope is that the information shared from our diverse group in Chicago can continue to be shared with others. And importantly, inspire all of us to participate in more active conversations about mental health and addiction whether it’s in your home, at work, in your community or as an On The Table host.  Because Your Voice Does Matter!