A Love Letter to Neurodivergence

Dear Reader,

This is for all the people who identify as neurodivergent; I hope you feel seen and validated reading this. This is for anyone questioning whether neurodivergence might be a part of their experience, I hope this answers some of your questions, or at least leads you in a direction that will. This is also for anyone who loves, is friends with, or works with someone who is neurodivergent. In a sense, this post is really for everyone. If you’re reading this and think you don’t know anyone who is neurodivergent, guess again. Neurodivergence is mostly an invisible experience. There’s a fair chance you’re in community with neurodivergent people and don’t know due to stigma, masking, and the simple fact that it’s often just not that obvious. 

Each person has the fundamental right to be loved and accepted for who they are without needing to change or conform to societal expectations. This is essential for neurodivergent individuals who often face significant mental health challenges largely due to societal pressures and stigma. When people are accepted as their true selves, it fosters a sense of belonging and reduces the isolation that exacerbates these mental health challenges. Supporting neurodivergent people means recognizing their unique strengths and needs and allowing them to navigate the world on their own terms. This contributes to an inclusive society where all people are valued and understood. 

What is Neurodivergence?

Neurodivergence is a term that is increasingly being recognized in mainstream culture. You may have seen this term circulating on TikTok or depicted more frequently in television and film. That’s because more people have identified with this experience in recent years. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), roughly 15-20% of the population identifies as neurodivergent, and that percentage is expected to keep increasing as awareness and research continue to expand. But, what does it mean to be neurodivergent?

The word neuro refers to the brain. Its Latin roots mean nerves or nervous system. Neurotypes simply refer to different types of brains. Neurodiversity broadly describes differences in cognitive processes and sensory experiences. Neurotypical is the way that most brains function. Our brains are all wired somewhat differently, so neurodiversity exists regardless of whether you have a neurotypical or neurodivergent brain. Again, you will likely encounter many neurodivergent people in life and never know. All of that is to say that neurodivergence is a term used to describe brains that diverge from the norm. It’s important to understand that there’s no “right” way for your brain to work. Diversity is always worth celebrating.

Neurodivergence is an umbrella term for many different kinds of neurotypes, such as Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), learning disabilities, and more. Synesthesia, Tourette's Syndrome, Dyslexia, Dyscalculia, Dyspraxia, and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), all fall under this umbrella. Anxiety and panic disorders are more frequently considered a form of neurodivergence as well. The neurodivergent umbrella is constantly evolving as it is still a relatively new way of conceptualizing brain differences. 

ADHD and ASD are most typically associated with the term neurodivergent. ADHD is a neurodivergence (disorder) that affects someone's ability to focus and pay attention, sit still, and/or control their impulses. There are 3 types of ADHD, predominantly hyperactive, predominantly inattentive, or both. ADD is an outdated term because the predominantly inattentive type captures it. People with ADHD tend to need a lot of stimulation in their environment.

Autism Spectrum Disorder is a neurodivergence that affects a person’s ability to interact socially and increases sensitivity to senses. Autistic brains take in way more information because they have more neural connections. All brains go through a pruning system in early development where unnecessary connections between neurons are removed. Autistic brains do go through pruning, but not as much as a neurotypical brain. This is why folks with autism often need less stimulation in their environment. This contributes to what is called “autistic burnout.”  Stimming refers to repetitive or self-stimulating behaviors, such as making movements, and sounds, or saying words that people repeat. Stimming might occur at any time but is often used to calm or self-regulate when someone is overwhelmed. Among other behaviors, stimming might look like someone clapping their hands, tapping their feet, or rubbing or picking their skin. Echolalia is common in autism and involves an involuntary repeating of words or phrases.

AuDHD is a combination of both Autism and ADHD. This probably isn’t a term you have heard of unless you participate in neurodivergent communities. This can be confusing because Autism and ADHD may seem like totally different experiences. There is some overlap though. Both ADHD and Autism are interest-driven. Hyperfocus, the tendency to become completely absorbed in a task, is common in both ADHD and ASD. People with ADHD and ASD tend to experience rejection sensitivity (experiencing rejection more intensely than others) and time blindness (difficulty managing and perceiving time). Before the release of the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), it was thought that the two conditions could not co-exist. This highlights how this area of understanding is continuously expanding with new research.

Masking is a term used to describe a process by which people may hide their neurodivergent traits and tendencies in attempts to appear normal. Masking can be intentional or an unconscious process learned and adapted over time. This is a term that has been historically used in the Autism community but has been increasingly used for other neurodivergent or mental health experiences. Masking is a strategy that helps people manage social situations, school, and work. It’s a tool people rely on to manage and achieve in those settings, however, it can result in psychological costs. For example, masking can be exhausting and often leads to burnout. It can also be invalidating and cause tension about one’s identity. Some people are high masking, meaning they can conceal their symptoms more, while others are low masking. High support needs and low support needs are also functional labels that are sometimes used within Autism communities. High functioning and low functioning are outdated terms because they are offensive and problematic, and don’t fully capture the complexity of experiences on the spectrum.  

What’s it like being neurodivergent?

There’s nothing wrong with being neurodivergent. Remember, different isn’t bad. It’s okay to have needs that are different from other people’s. Many qualities that neurodivergent people possess turn out to be gifts that can help them excel in their careers and lives, such as heightened empathy and compassion, unique perspectives, advanced problem-solving skills, attention to detail, the ability to hyper-focus, creativity and imagination, and a passion for social justice and fairness. One thing I want to be careful of though, is sounding too much like a cheerleader. For neurodivergent people, the struggles are so real.

Most challenges arise for neurodivergent individuals because the world is structured for neurotypical brains. It’s not just having this neurotype alone that causes dysregulation, but rather, certain environments that send the neurodivergent individual into sensory overload or burnout over time. Being neurodivergent is often traumatic for people. Quite literally, a neurodivergent experience involves some degree of nervous system dysregulation, especially in cases of ADHD, ASD, and sensory processing disorders. 

Nervous system dysregulation is a key component of trauma. Psychologist and founder of Somatic Experiencing, Peter Levine’s definition of trauma is anything “too much, too soon, or too little (i.e. in cases of neglect)” for our nervous system to handle. I appreciate this broad definition of trauma. This helps us understand that trauma is not only about the event itself but how our bodies interpret the experience. Peter Levine also defines trauma as experiencing fear in the face of helplessness. There’s a lot of overlap with how trauma and neurodivergence presents. 

Everybody has a nervous system. The nervous system runs throughout our entire body and has different states. The sympathetic nervous system state is known as the “Fight or Flight” response to a threat. This state also includes other responses such as Freeze, Fawn (to please someone to avoid conflict), and Flop (to become unresponsive and faint). These are all survival responses. They are all primal and adaptive because they can help you survive. The parasympathetic nervous system state, known as the “Rest and Digest” state, is reached when the body is relaxed and can focus on internal processes like digestion. 

Dysregulated is another term you’re probably hearing more of. This happens when the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system are out of balance. Psychiatrist Dan Siegel, M.D., introduced the concept of the “Window of Tolerance”. The window of tolerance describes the nervous system at its optimal level of arousal, where people can access their executive functioning skills (thanks to the brain's prefrontal cortex that allows for planning, organizing, and regulating emotions), be present, and respond effectively. It’s characterized by a sense of groundedness, openness, and ability to connect with other people. When you’re out of your window of tolerance, you’re either in a state of hyperarousal or hypoarousal. Hyperarousal looks like hypervigilance, heightened anxiety, and irritability. Hypoarousal is also a stress response but looks like shutdown, numbness, disconnection from reality, and dissociation. In the long run, hypoarousal looks like burnout or depression.

Everyone gets dysregulated. Everyone’s window of tolerance is also a little different, meaning every person has a personal capacity to handle distress and tolerate big emotions and challenging experiences. There is nothing to be cured. Your body is designed to be in these different states, but it is important to be able to move in and out of them. The goal is to be able to stay regulated for longer periods and to be able to move from one dysregulated state back into your window of tolerance without getting stuck. It’s common for people to get stuck in a trauma state, and not even realize it. Trauma can shrink your window of tolerance and make you more reactive to stress. Neurodivergent folks tend to be chronically dysregulated. You can work towards widening your window of tolerance though. When you learn how the nervous system works and about various ways to get your body back into its window of tolerance, you learn how to become less reactive to stress and increase your capacity to experience the full range of your emotions.

Growing up neurodivergent is also a traumatic experience in and of itself. Neurodivergent kids attempt to fit in socially and meet developmental milestones based on standardized criteria. This is where masking comes into play. Many people experience deep shame about their differences and confusion about why they are the way they are. When neurodivergence is overlooked and not diagnosed, kids are often considered shy, weird, unique, and/or misunderstood. Growing up neurodivergent is especially traumatic if you are undiagnosed. Especially because there is not an obvious physical difference, neurodivergent kids tend to internalize beliefs that they are somehow like everyone else, but worse or defective. They will likely feel stupid or not good enough as they struggle to understand and accept themselves. 

What’s next?   

For the most part, people are the experts in their own lives. I hold this sentiment very close to me and it has been a guiding principle in my work as a therapist. Receiving a mental health diagnosis is generally fraught with both pros and cons. It can be especially empowering, however, for neurodivergent people to receive a diagnosis. These labels can help people understand that their brains are not broken, but rather they just work differently. Finding a label can be very comforting.

While aligning with a diagnosis can be very affirming, the process of getting assessed can be challenging as it can be expensive and time-consuming. The mental health world is catching up in the realm of neurodivergence. It may or may not be worth it to pursue an official diagnosis. Even in the mental health field, there’s a lot of stigma and misunderstanding. It’s difficult to identify and diagnose neurodivergence and there’s a long history of misdiagnosis. Historically, girls and people of color were not diagnosed with ADHD or ASD. Things are changing in recent years, but historically all disorders in the DSM were normalized based on middle-class white men. These experiences are deeply personal. No two people with Autism or ADHD are alike. There is a vast range of traits and tendencies that a person may or may not experience. Two people may have the same diagnosis yet experience a different set of symptoms. There are plenty of neurodivergent-friendly providers out there. It’s all about researching and using discernment when pursuing mental health care. There is also validity to self-diagnosis if one has done a lot of research, self-exploration, and sought out the help of a professional like a therapist or other neurodivergent folks with lived experience. If you need accommodations, you have the right to ask for those, whether you have a formal diagnosis or not.

You might be reading this and wondering how you can help the neurodivergent people in your life. Even though our brains are all wired slightly differently, all human brains are wired for connection. This is a basic need that we all have. For connection to occur, we must experience a felt sense of safety. In the 1940s, psychologist Abraham Maslow published the Hierarchy of Needs, a pyramid depicting the order of human needs from the bottom up. Physiological needs are at the lowest level, which includes the most basic things we need to survive, like food, water, clothes, and housing. Next on this hierarchy is safety. Once safety is achieved, love and belonging can occur. Feeling safe entails a sense of security and protection both physically and emotionally. Emotional safety involves knowing you can be yourself and express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment, harm, or rejection. Safety allows for relaxation, authenticity, and trust that your vulnerabilities will be respected and supported. Feeling safe in relationships fosters the ability to grow, thrive, and be confident.

As mentioned before, it can feel embarrassing and shameful to be neurodivergent and to talk about it with others. It’s very vulnerable to share about neurodivergent experiences, but it’s also necessary. You can create safety for your loved ones by building a warm, loving, and compassionate environment based on nonjudgment and curiosity. Consistency is important too. Check in regularly, plan around people’s particular needs, establish routines, and talk openly about differences. It signals safety to let your loved ones know that struggling is normal. Sharing and talking about it helps when we feel validated and cared for.

There’s also sometimes space to work through things collaboratively. If it involves your relationship, communicate how you can figure out what works best for each of you and be willing to make accommodations. If it is something they are sharing with you but does not involve you, check in about what the person’s needs are in sharing. A simple rule of thumb in any relationship (neurodivergent or not) is to say something like, “Thank you for sharing. I am here for you and want to support you. I am listening. Would you like me to simply validate and empathize with your experience or are you hoping for problem solving and solutions?” Oftentimes, what we need most of all is to feel heard.

People deserve to be believed about who they are and what they say their experiences are. Even if someone else’s experiences seem confusing to you or you do not think they are neurodivergent, that does not mean that you have a better understanding of who someone is. As I’ve laid out here, these experiences are layered and complex. There is a ton of misunderstanding and misinformation about neurodivergence in the general public. Many people do not have an accurate understanding of neurodiversity, although this is starting to shift with increased awareness and dialogue. Take it upon yourself to do further reading, listen to podcasts, join a support group, or simply ask and allow people to tell you about their experiences. 

So, it’s important to stay open-minded. Above all else, people deserve to be loved and accepted as they are, without pressure to change or fit into a box that was not made for them. This is especially important considering neurodivergent people are at much more risk for depression, anxiety, thinking about and dying by suicide, and substance abuse. This goes back to that deep-seated belief that “something is wrong with me.” But, nothing is wrong and nothing needs to be fixed. You can remind yourself and your loved ones that your brain works beautifully and is needed. Whether you’re on your journey of self-discovery as a neurodivergent person or you want to learn more about the neurodivergent people in your life, go slow and be gentle with yourself. It takes a lot of time and effort to change your patterns of thinking, learn how to regulate yourself, and have vulnerable conversations.

With warmth and gratitude, 

Kaitlyn Folkes, M.A.

References: 

CDC Data and Statistics (2024) 

https://www.cdc.gov/adhd/data/index.html

https://www.cdc.gov/autism/data-research/index.html

The Developing Mind Daniel J. Siegel (1999) 

The Myth of Normal by Gabor Matė (2023) 

Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity by Devon Price, PhD (2022) 

Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine, PhD (1997) 

Your Brain’s Not Broken by Tamara Rosier, PhD (2021) 

What Are Your Internal Dialogues Trying to Protect You From?

By Concentric Therapist Intern Mara Hundrieser-Acosta, B.A. (Clinical Mental Health Counselor M.A.)

I know I am not the only one that has internal conversations with different parts of myself. Just going back and forth with what I should have done, said, or even experienced. I recently lost my mother to cancer. When someone asks me “How are you doing? I answer with “ I am doing ok, just taking it one day at a time.” but on the inside, my brain is struggling. The actual answer in my mind is, “ I miss my mom, I wish I could see her.” and then another part of my mind answers “I have to cook dinner, wash clothes, put them away, and so much more to do, I feel so overwhelmed.” and another part says, “People will think you don’t have a handle on your life if you let them know how you truly feel.” So, I end up giving a generic answer and smile. 

The conversation inside my mind keeps going even though on the outside I am smiling and making small talk. Sometimes when we have been through hard times, we develop a strong voice that keeps us “in check.” When we view this through an Internal Family Systems (IFS) lens, it's called a Manager. We all have these internal conversations. No, there is nothing wrong with us; it’s just part of how we take care of ourselves internally. You might wonder what I mean about how we take care of ourselves internally. We all go back and forth with all of our parts to try to navigate our lives through stress, anxiety, depression, painful situations, and trauma. Through IFS we can learn what these parts need in order to feel at peace in our life. 

“IFS guides us to offer deep understanding and credible help to the critic and the innumerable other parts who populate our clients’ inner worlds, some of whom long to transform but are stuck in extreme, destructive roles.” -Schwartz & Sweezy (2020)

What is IFS?

Internal Family Systems (IFS), a model of therapy and an approach to better understand ourselves, was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. He has worked on the development of IFS for over 40 years.  Dr. Schwartz holds a Ph.D. in Marriage and Family Therapy and was trained to view and understand people through a systematic lens.  After years of working with families and individuals, Dr. Schwartz noticed how clients would speak about their different inner parts. Just like I shared my internal dialogue about being asked about me in relation to my mother. 

While in session with clients, Dr. Schwartz’s patients would share how they would go back and forth with different parts of themselves.  Dr. Schwartz noticed those parts also operate within a system similar to how a system of family operates. For example, a family system consists of different family members, roles or parts (e.g. parents, children) that interact with each other.  

If we look at humanity or systems with a very wide lens, we notice a system is always in place, starting with our solar system. Dr. Schwartz was able to recognize there is a system that consists of people’s inner parts.  These parts are called Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles. These parts have developed to protect us from harm, trauma, and difficult experiences that have left a wound inside our psyche. They all have a specific role that falls under a three-group system. All of our parts are good, even though they might seem mean or aggressive at times. 

The goal of IFS is to help people become Self-led, which means that their various parts feel loved by the Self and trust the Self’s leadership. IFS therapy has a gentle way to ease the pain of people’s experiences and parts and to help navigate the internal turmoil one often faces throughout life. 

The Roles of Parts: A Three-Group System

In order to understand further this three-group system we need to understand that each group or also called protective parts (Managers, Exiles, and Firefighters) doesn't have just one personality. There are different kinds of Managers; each one has its own role to play, as well as the Exiles and the Firefighters to protect us internally. These three-group systems work with each other and sometimes what feels like against each other in order to keep us safe internally. 

In other words…

One group tends to be highly protective, strategic, and interested in controlling the internal or external environment to keep things safe. In IFS, we call the members of this group Managers. 

A second group contains the most sensitive members of the system. When these parts feel injured or outraged, Managers will banish them for their own protection and the good of the whole system. We call them Exiles. 

A third group tries to stifle, anesthetize, or distract from the feelings of Exiles, reacting powerfully and automatically, without concern for consequences, to their distress as well as to the over-inhibition of Managers. We call these members Firefighters. 

Trauma & Internal Family Systems 

According to Schwartz & Sweezy (2020), internal systems (parts) that are responding to trauma not only divide into these roles, but the protective parts (Managers and Firefighters) also form alliances and get into conflicts with each other and can be very harsh or smothering with the Exile they are trying to protect or ward off. The sadder, more terrified, ashamed, rageful, or sexually charged an Exile is, the more protectors legitimately fear its release and the more extreme they become in their efforts to suppress and constrain them. In turn, the more an exile is suppressed, the more it tries to break out. In this way all three groups become victims of an escalating cycle of internecine* conflict. 

*internecine: destructive to both sides in a conflict.

Example: The more ashamed I feel about a traumatic event that happened to me the more scared the Managers and Firefighters are of me releasing or admitting this shame. So, the Managers and Firefighters will try really hard for me to suppress that shame. Which can mean one can begin to use drugs and alcohol to control that shame, or become very narcissistic in order to push it way down. The Managers and Firefighters believe that if one releases or admits this shame, it (the part) will ultimately fall apart. 

Childhood & Internal Family Systems

The Self can be forceful and protective. Children who have experienced developmental trauma or any abuse of their independence, spontaneity, leadership (or other traits that rely on courage themselves) begin to suppress their courageous side. It takes tremendous courage to go toward terrifying places in the psyche. Many protectors avoid stepping out of their roles because they believe the person would be weak and passive without them. Protectors always have intense fears about allowing clients to open the door to Exiles they locked away years ago in inner dark places. When a client says they are afraid to do something, we know a part in their inner world is speaking. But once the part understands the fearless nature of the Self, its fear (and emotional pain, shame, and rage) surrenders.

IFS Therapy has 4 Goals:

1. To liberate parts from the roles they have been forced into, freeing them to be who they were designed to be.

2. To restore faith in The Self and in Self-Leadership.

3. To re-harmonize the inner system.

4. To encourage the person or client to become increasingly Self-led in their interactions with the world.

So, What Does This All Mean? 

The intention of IFS is for the client to access, experience, and be Self-led, to feel safe, to learn their inner world, and understand how their parts work together or against each other in order to protect them. The more we learn and understand about our parts and what they are trying to tell us; it then becomes easier to identify when they get activated. Understanding who we are, where we have been, and what has hurt us, is what is going to give us the opportunities to heal ourselves. The end goal is to be able to be our own saviors, but to get there we must be willing to surrender and be open to learning. 

Once a person experiences faith in The Self and in Self-leadership, the IFS therapist seeks to help the client develop the Eight C’s. 

The Eight C’s

Curiosity: The client learns to be inquisitive, and have interest rather than be judgmental or fearful. This is where one comes with no agenda, one just wants to learn, know, and understand. There is a sense of feeling at ease and moving forward with wonder. There is a sense of safety that opens the door to vulnerability. 

Calm: After being in a high alert state, where one’s nervous system is often aroused, Self-leadership does the opposite by creating a sense of calm that is both physical and mental. The client is able to accept life on its own terms and there is a sense of resilience and assertiveness. 

Courage: When a client says they are afraid to do something in the inner world, we know a part is speaking. But once the part understands the fearless nature of The Self, its fear (and emotional pain, shame, and rage) surrenders. 

Confidence: The Self validates and comforts its Exiles bringing about an infectious air of confidence, conveying to protector parts that it is safe to relax instead of trying to “let it go and move on” (the typical protector advice that encourages people to abandon and isolate their burdened young parts), injuries can be healed. When Exiles are unburdened, the system becomes less delicate and less reactive, and protective parts are more inclined to trust Self-leadership. 

Connectedness: The Self, in its natural state, experiences the sense of connectedness. Instead of trying really hard to obtain a connection with someone, through trauma bonding.  The Self can now move through the world in harmony. Connectedness links with calm and confidence which altogether links up The Divine. 

The Divine: Through extensive research by Dr. Richard Schwartz this is what he describes as The Divine. “Though they used different words, all the esoteric traditions within the major religions – Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Judaism, Islam – emphasized their same core belief: we are sparks of the eternal flame, manifestations of the absolute ground of being. It turns out that the Divine within – what the Christians call the soul or Christ Consciousness, Buddhists call Buddha Nature, the Hindus Atman, the Taoists Tao, the Sufis the Beloved, the Quakers the Inner Light.” 

Clarity: One can see things more clearly. The distortions are no longer in effect and the extreme beliefs ease as one can see authenticity. Our vision is clear when we see through the eyes of the Self versus when our vision is distorted through the eyes of extreme parts.

Creativity: It’s believed that once the inner turmoil and constant struggle start to quiet down and The Self becomes the leader (aka Self-led), creativity can emerge naturally. This means once the managers start to relax, we can problem-solve with greater ease which becomes second nature. 

Compassion:  Once a client finds some separation or healthy distance from their angry or scared part, they can now see these parts from a compassionate lens.  They can express how sad or sorry they are for those parts and are willing to help them heal. This inherent desire to help their suffering parts signifies and taps into compassion. 

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I hope that after reading all this information there is a part of you that feels compelled to explore IFS. I want to say to “the part” of you that has that interest, that feels like it has been lost, in pain, or any other unresolved feelings; you are important and you deserve to be seen and heard. If you are wondering which part that might be, I am talking to your Self-led part; the part that might be hiding in the shadows for a while. 

We live in a time where we are overworked, overwhelmed, on the go, not getting enough sleep, expecting to be everything and nothing at all, where we have to walk on eggshells, but make a difference. It’s no wonder that our Self-led part feels so overwhelmed and just lost. This is the time when we need to slow down and rebel; which translates to going inside, getting curious about your parts, and reconnecting to who we truly are meant to be.

I know it might sound like a big ask, yet if you go back and read about The Eight C’s and imagine experiencing them, I think it’s all worth the journey of healing. The idea of feeling liberated is what motivates me through the IFS lens. I wish for you and my clients to feel liberated from whatever has been holding you back from being your most authentic self and be connected to your Divine. 

So, next time you have those internal conversations bring awareness to what each part is saying, and ask them what they truly need. They are trying to protect you even if they might sound very harsh or act maladaptively; they just haven’t learned a better way, yet, to communicate with you. Even if you don’t think you have the power within you to heal, to reframe those inner dialogues; you actually do, it’s inside you.

Resources for Consideration

Books: IFS online store | IFS Institute 

Videos: Dr. Richard Schwartz explains Internal Family Systems (IFS) Dr. Richard Schwartz Has A Radical Approach To Healing

Podcast: Multiplicity of the Mind: An Approach To Healing the Inner Self | Dr. Richard Schwartz X Rich Roll

What is EMDR and How It Helps Trauma & Mental Health

By Concentric Counselor and EMDR Trained Therapist Bailey Amis, LPC

The Uber you’re in turns onto the highway and you freeze. Your body feels tense, you notice in your shoulders clench up and a tightness in your chest. Your heart rate picks up and you begin to sweat. You can almost see the car wreck you were in three months ago. It’s like it’s happening all over again, and you can feel the fear from that moment. You continue to brace for impact, but it never comes. You arrive at your destination safely, but it takes hours for the tension and fear to fade. You wonder, will I ever be able to ride comfortably in a car again?

The experience described above is a trauma response. A trigger (being in a car and getting on the highway) is communicating to the body and brain that the person is in danger. The mind thinks it is experiencing the traumatic event in the here-and-now and responds accordingly causing your body to tense up and prepare for impact. These physical reactions trigger the emotions that were felt during the original car wreck. Even though nothing has happened during this car ride the body and brain aren’t getting the message that everything is okay. The brain is stuck in the traumatic experience. This can feel hopeless--but it’s not.

What Is EMDR?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Developed in 1989 by Francine Shapiro, is a psychotherapy treatment designed to alleviate distress associated with traumatic memories. EMDR uses bilateral stimulation to access and process traumatic memories and other adverse life experiences. Through this processing, the brain synthesizes the experience and distress levels lower.

Reorganizing your brain’s “filing cabinet”

Imagine the brain’s memory network like a long row of filing cabinets. A typical, non-traumatic, memory gets stored nicely and neatly in the cabinets. We can “pull up” the memory (or file) and our brains and bodies know it is in the past, even if it isn’t a pleasant memory. When we experience trauma, the memory doesn’t get stored quite right. Imagine that rather than being filed nicely, the memory is crumpled up and thrown on top of the cabinet. Instead of our brain having to sift through the past to think about the memory, it is already right there. Anytime there is a trigger, the memory is too easily accessible, and our brain gets confused thinking that we are still experiencing the traumatic event every single time we remember it.

EMDR processing helps the brain learn that the memory is in the past. Once processed, although we may still have an emotional reaction to that memory, our body and brain understand that it was in the past and we don’t have the physical reaction, negative thoughts, or images related to the memory anymore. The memory has now been filed neatly in the file cabinet. The processing greatly reduces or eliminates our responses to triggers, allowing for more freedom of movement through the world without worry of encountering a trigger and having a trauma response.

Limitless Healing Possibilities

A common misconception is that EMDR is only effective for one-time traumatic events. Although it is highly effective for these types of traumas, EMDR’s effectiveness is far reaching and growing often as clinicians innovate new ways to use this treatment. EMDR has been proven effective for one-time traumatic events, complex trauma, eating disorders, anxiety, addictions, chronic pain, panic attacks, phobias, and more.

What to Expect During EMDR Sessions

Every client is different, therefore every EMDR session is going to look a little different, however there are a few key pieces to the process that most EMDR sessions will have.

EMDR is structured as three-pronged, focusing on the past, present, and future. A clinician will take a thorough history of the presenting issue. For a one-time trauma or specific phobia with a direct cause this could take a few minutes, whereas for complex trauma or addictions, this could be a multi-session process. The clinician will ask about how this issue presented in the past and may ask questions such as “When is the first time you remember feeling scared?”. They will then assess how the issue affects the client in the present day. Finally, they will assess how this issue affects the client in the future or what worries the client may have about how this issue may affect them.

The EMDR clinician will implement resourcing at the beginning of treatment and will call back to these skills throughout the process. Resourcing is similar to the idea of “coping skills” and is essentially creating a few safe spaces in the brain for the client to have on hand if they feel overwhelmed. An example is creating a “safe calm place” where the client feels neutral, calm, and comfortable. This is done through guided imagery and bilateral stimulation (BLS).

The clinician will facilitate EMDR processing using bilateral stimulation (BLS). BLS is the bread and butter of EMDR. It is what makes the brain put in the work to heal itself. BLS activates the client’s information processing system and taxes the working memory, allowing new, healthier, associations to form with the trauma memory. There are endless ways to get our brains working using BLS but the most common are following the clinician’s fingers with the eyes, following lights with the eyes, using “buzzers” that rapidly switch from hand to hand, and tapping the hands in a rhythmic motion. As the client shares how the memory affects them and the negative belief associated with the memory, such as “I am not safe”, the clinician will walk them through sets of BLS and will ask them to report what they are noticing.

Experiencing Life Without Triggers

Let’s revisit that car ride-the one that brought up the old memories of your car wreck like it was happening in the here-and-now. Imagine that you attend EMDR sessions and process the memory of the wreck. Your therapist walks you through the memory, helps you identify thoughts, images, and body sensations related to the memory, and uses BLS to facilitate processing. After a few sessions you reflect on how differently you feel when riding in a car. You decide to catch an Uber home from your session. You sit calmly in the car and as the driver turns onto the highway you notice that your body does not tense up, your heart rate remains steady, and no disturbing images come to mind. You can remember that you had a car wreck of course, but you tell yourself you are safe now and you believe that you are safe.

There is so much more to the complex world of EMDR, and every clinician and client will have different needs during the process. Finding a clinician that you feel comfortable and safe with will create space for meaningful and effective EMDR work together.

A MESSAGE FROM CONCENTRIC: We recognize various acts of violence, including gun violence range from one victim to multiple people, occur on a daily basis in certain communities (especially within certain parts of Chicago), and within homes and public places, such as schools and venues. We recognize all of these acts are traumatic and we want nothing more than for help and change to take place on various levels. EMDR is one of the many therapeutic tools and interventions that can help reduce the effects of traumatic responses.

For those who were deeply impacted by the devastating and horrific violence at The Fourth of July parade in Highland Park, Illinois, please know our sympathies and condolences are with you. We understand the impact of trauma and we truly hope all of you are able to obtain support from loved ones, community resources, and mental health providers.

For more information on EMDR therapy, please visit:

https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/

https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/treatments/eye-movement-reprocessing

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/325717

The Misunderstandings of Anger

By Concentric Counselor Ashley Smith (Guerrero), LSW, CADC

Anger is a tricky thing. Emotions are not often identified as tricky and complex, but anger is one of few exceptions to this. To be angry, is to be described as negative, bad, destructive, and heavy. While anger is neither good nor bad, its constant bad press interferes and hinders our desire to reflect and understand it. If we do not understand it, how can we include it when communicating emotions?

Anger is an internal call deeply rooted in our body’s fight or flight system, built, and strengthened through the millions of years in which humans existed. Simply put, this system is our body’s most primitive one and when needed, provides us with a boost of energy (from cortisol/adrenaline) so that we can respond to external dangers and triggers.

This primitive system at its core is an automatic defense mechanism that alerts us to promptly respond to triggers and dangers in moments of stress. While the basic function of this system is well intended and perhaps necessary, it highlights the complexities of the anger emotion and therefore, makes it that much more difficult to explore and understand.

Albeit confusing and difficult to unpack, the key to understanding anger is a deep exploration of its misunderstandings.

Let us explore some of the misunderstandings of anger.

Misunderstanding #1: Anger is a bad emotion.

Anger is neither good nor bad however, in the absence of control, it is paralyzing and igniting. To equip ourselves from it taking control of us, we must become curious about what it is and how it flows through the body. Although anger is often viewed as a silo of an emotion, it consists of not one, but three components: emotional, behavioral, and cognitive. All three occur simultaneously, creating a synergy of responses.

Behavioral Response: Behavioral responses to anger range in expressions from being internal (resentment, irritability), external (verbal, throwing, aggression) and sideways (manipulation, sarcasm). Such responses are what people often see and hear and is the crux of its bad rap.

There is no denying such behavioral responses are unpleasant, but it is simply one aspect of anger, and we need to allocate as much attention to the emotional and cognitive responses as we do to its behavioral counterpart.

Emotional Response: Anger is a secondary emotion meaning it occurs in response to other emotions (sadness, worry, guilt, embarrassment, betrayal). The key is to not only understand anger but also where the reaction is coming from. When we understand its driving forces, we expose the internal confrontations of our emotions and begin the journey towards strengthening our emotional intelligence and sharpen our communication with others.

Cognitive Response: Expressions such as “that person made me so angry” overlooks that thoughts occur prior to and during angry feelings. Our thoughts and interpretation of an event influence behavioral responses. Similarly, to our emotional response it is important to recognize thoughts passing through our mind and where they stem from…” Do I need reassurance? Am I longing for something?”

For the reasons above, anger is a necessary emotion that requires exploration and tenderness, understanding and cultivating. Understanding anger requires a relationship with it; one filled with patience, curiosity, and compassion. When we befriend our anger, we can safely explore its activators, and therefore harness, and channel it in a productive manner. When anger is harnessed, we are more empowered, motivated towards change, and able to deepen connections within ourselves and others.

Misunderstanding #2: Other people make me angry.

It is important to reflect on where the anger is stemming from, not who. When looking into where anger arises from, a place often overlooked is a person’s value system. We all have values but don’t always allow space to reflect on what they are, and more importantly, why specific values are of importance. Oftentimes, anger can be triggered when a “value chord” is struck. When this happens, it is a physical reminder of your value (s) and requires questioning and exploring the following: 

1.     What value is the trigger striking?

2.     Why is this value important to me?

3.     What is this reaction showing about me?

Reflecting and exploring the origins of the anger provides an opportunity to explain it, rather than haphazardly express it. When we welcome others into this space, it opens doors to solutions, rather than arguments.

Misunderstanding #3: Venting anger is helpful.

Venting anger stems from a Freudian theory of emotional catharsis. This theory suggests that it not released, bottled feelings of frustration and aggression lead to internal pressures, in the same way air fills a balloon until eventually, it pops.

Research has since debunked Freud’s emotional catharsis theory and in fact, found that venting can lead to increased difficulty to cope and even, manage anger. Contrary to Freudian’s theory, current research shows that acting out anger and aggression leads to increased hostility, allows for lashing out and increases levels of distress. Repeated acts of venting anger allow for faster and easier triggering. This constant and automatic, reinforcement increases the odds of anger being a quick and automated response when triggered. The act of lashing out anger is counter-productive; it leads to less-than-ideal responses to stressors. Science has taught us that acting out anger through benign behaviors such as punching or yelling into a pillow is both unsustainable and ineffective when learning to understand and control it.

When we reflect on where anger comes from and our triggers to this emotion, we can learn more about ourselves and how to effectively explain our feelings of anger and moreover, learn to experience the emotion in ways that are healthy and sustainable. The key to navigating our anger is to understand, explain it and channel it through constructive outlets.

                                                            References and Additional Resources

Cirino, Erica. “Anger Management Exercises: 9 Exercises to Help Curb Your Anger.” Anger Management Exercises to Help You Stay Calm, Healthline Media, 4 Dec. 2018, https://www.healthline.com/health/anger-management-exercises.

Hayes, Stephen. “The Simple Guide to Value Triggers | Psychology Today.” The Simple Guide to Value Triggers, Psychology Today, 11 Aug. 2019, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-out-your-mind/201908/the-simple-guide-value-triggers.

Oldenburg, Don. “Angry? Don't Punch That Pillow -- Calm down Instead.” The Washington Post, WP Company, 29 Mar. 1999, https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/1999/03/29/angry-dont-punch-that-pillow-calm-down-instead/5fcea917-965e-41c5-a0ef-738a1f56a823/.

Roberts, Caroline. “ 5 Healthier Ways to Deal with Anger Instead of Venting.” Venting Your Anger Can Make You More Stressed out -- Do These Things Instead, CNET, 16 Nov. 2019, https://www.cnet.com/health/5-healthier-ways-to-deal-with-anger-instead-of-venting/.

Salters-Pedneault, Kristalyn. “Venting Anger May Not Be Good for Borderline Personality Disorder.” Is V\Venting Your Anger a Good Idea?, Verywell Mind, 19 July 2019, https://www.verywellmind.com/how-you-vent-anger-may-not-be-good-for-bpd-425393#:~:text=Research%20suggests%20that%20letting%20off,way%20to%20control%20your%20anger.&text=While%20you%20may%20temporarily%20feel,your%20anger%20down%20the%20road.

Scott, James. “Exploring the Complexity of Anger ...” Scott Free Clinic, 1 Dec. 2017, https://www.scottfreeclinic.org/2017/11/29/exploring-the-complexity-of-anger/.

Seltzer, Leon. “6 Virtues, and 6 Vices, of Venting.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 2 Apr. 2014, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201404/6-virtues-and-6-vices-venting.

Heal!

By Concentric Counselor Jordan Perlman, LPC, NCC

The following post is based on the documentary "Heal", Written, Directed, and Produced by Kelly Noonan Gores and Produced by Adam Schomer. "Heal" can be streamed on Netflix and/or iTunes or purchased on DVD or book from www.healdocumentary.com.

What If Mind Over Matter Is True?

Contrary to what many of us have been told, the latest science supports the belief that we are far from victims of unchangeable genes. We can control our health and life by taking a holistic approach to healing. One that remembers just how intelligent the body is and the way our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs affect our overall health. Therefore, healing begins in the mind and can be extremely complex and deeply personal. To treat oneself, one needs to get to the root of what caused the imbalance in the first place.

According to Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., "90% of what takes people to the doctors is stress-related illnesses". "Stress" is a broad term and can be broken down into three primary sources, all of which can knock our brain and body out of balance:

• Physical (accidents, injuries, falls, physical traumas)

• Chemical (bacteria and viruses, hormones in food, heavy metals, hangovers, blood sugar levels)

• Emotional (family tragedies, loss, job, bullying, finances, emotional and sexual trauma, and neglect)  

Most interventions focus exclusively on physical and chemical sources of stress, leading doctors to overprescribe medications that treat the problem's symptoms without addressing the cause, which can often be emotional. A dependence on pharmaceuticals temporarily fixes the symptoms yet this approach neglects the root emotional cause. For many, this approach leads to the development of additional symptoms/diagnoses as a result of the untreated root imbalance. One way to combat this model's limitations is to focus on a holistic healing approach that emphasizes the internal environment that focuses on disease’s emotional causes. Therefore, every person is the architect of their healing and their destiny.

The Incredible Power of the Autonomic Nervous System

Our systems are incredibly smart and adaptive, and long ago, this primed us to face threats that we no longer meet in modern times. Although this function once served us well, it can cause us a bit of trouble in today's society. For example, the nervous system that once primed us for survival in the face of a Saber-Toothed Tiger looks more like an upcoming work meeting that we're anxious about or a fight with our partner. In either case, the untrained nervous system often can't tell the difference and releases Cortisol, Adrenaline, and Noradrenaline designed to mobilizes your energy to run away from and/or fight the predator. When that happens in response to incidents that don't require that level of response, we might be operating outside our windows of tolerance far more frequently than is sustainable.

According to Stem Cell Biologist and Author Bruce Lipton (Ph.D.), when you perceive a threat, your body activates the Adrenal System (fight or flight). Whether you're preparing for an exam or fighting off an attacker, the result is the same, and the Adrenal System is activated. When this starts in response to a relatively benign threat, often, it increases negative, disease-causing consequences. Over time, this chronically impairs your:

• Memory

• Concentration

• Digestion

• Elimination of toxins

• Immune system

This impairment is due to resources being mobilized from the gut, elimination system, immune system, and higher brain centers. The resources are reallocated into the muscles to fight/flight for your life, which is excellent when used in a true life or death situation. However, when this frequently happens, as a result of let’s say chronic stress, this can cause pH levels to rise. If pH levels are high, this leads to an acidic body. An acidic body causes inflammation that, in turn, destroys the body and causes disease. Therefore, it is vital to reduce stress in the body to reduce inflammation and reduce disease. 

The Placebo/Nocebo Effect on Healing

To access our full healing potential, we have to get our minds on board with the belief we can heal. One way to do this is to focus on creating tonic thoughts as tonic thoughts produce tonic chemicals, while toxic thoughts produce toxic chemicals. If we're not careful, our thoughts and beliefs can prevent us from healing even with the best medical intervention. Therefore, if I change my perception (the mind) and change my view about life (and healing), I change the signals adjusting the cells' function, which has enormous implications. 

Although the Placebo Effect is not entirely understood, a consensus assumes that our minds can control the body. The Placebo Effect relies on positive thinking or believing that an intervention can heal by being open to the possibility of getting better via a "treatment" without an actual chemical, physical intervention or remedy. Many have heard of the Placebo Effect (commonly discussed when looking at research). Yet, there is a lesser-known and equally influential phenomenon that also has the potential to alter your life, known as the Nocebo Effect.

The Nocebo Effect occurs from negative thinking, which can cause illness and disease and even cause death. As a result, the power of belief or "mind over matter", is almost everything. Whatever you are thinking and believing in a given moment, your immune system is either told to "stop working" because we have to respond to a stressor, or "everything is cool." In the first example, the Sympathetic Nervous System is activated and pulling resources from the body's other functions. The latter is a parasympathetic response, which puts the body in a mode ideal for rest/digest/healing; your beliefs toggle that switch.

The experience of Dr. Joe Dispenza illustrates an example of the incredible Placebo Effect in action (Read his full story here). In 1986, at the age of 23, Dr. Joe Dispenza was run over by an SUV while competing in a triathlon in Palm Springs, California, and was paralyzed. Instead of opting for the high-risk surgeries recommended to him by his doctors, he focused on using visualization to move his paralyzed limbs and imagined his shattered spine mending. By the power of his mind, Joe was able to make a full recovery, which further supports the notion that one's beliefs can shift biology. 

The Conscious/Subconscious Mind

The Placebo/Nocebo Effect also extends to Epigenetics, which tells us that our environment can select cells' genetic activity. Our beliefs affect our nervous system, and then our nervous system sends information about its environment. The cells adjust to interact with the world, which stems from consciousness, which is an interpretation of one’s perceived reality. Therefore, my mind is interpreting my environment; by changing the environment, or the perception of their environment, one can control their genetic activity. This takes people from a space of being victims of hereditary to a master of gene activity capable of creating a different reality. 

All of this sounds relatively simple, right? Wrong. The majority of this process is unconscious, which complicates things exponentially. We know that our Conscious Mind and our Subconscious Mind are two interdependent minds that work together. When the conscious mind is engaged in thinking, the subconscious mind is the autopilot's default program, carrying out whatever chore needs doing. The subconscious mind is comprised of downloading (mostly) other people's behaviors. Think of your Mother, Father, siblings, and community during the first seven years of your life when you're essentially a sponge to the world, absorbing other's patterns with little discretion. When our environment growing up is healthy, that's excellent news. However, that's not the reality for many who grew up with less than ideal upbringings.

Regardless of your situation, we all developed blueprints on coping and processing emotions based on what we saw growing up. For some, these memories may not have fully developed, leading to reexperiencing that unprocessed memory every time we get triggered as if it's happening for the first time. One can attempt to outrun the subconscious mind. Though to heal, it's crucial to face it, see the problem, and recognize the systems and stressors as meaningful and intelligent and necessary to wake us up to our patterns to choose a different way. These unconscious beliefs are often running our lives. By asking, "what is this pain or disease trying to tell me?" you can create space for answers to come (Pro-tip: you can use that trick with any thought, feeling, memory, behavior, and you might be surprised what might come up). Additionally, therapy can help make the unconscious conscious, helping release stuck energy trapped in the body via processing previously unprocessed emotions and memories. 

Factors Scientifically Proven to Contribute to Healing

So now that you know you're more in control of your healing than perhaps previously thought, what can YOU do about it? First and foremost, healing cannot occur while you're chronically operating in a state of Sympathetic Nervous System (fight/flight) activation. One must move into the Parasympathetic Nervous System (rest/digest) to heal. There are a variety of ways to do this, and some of them are listed below.

Meditation

Based on the research by Dr. Herbert Benson, meditation is said to "shut down fight or flight response and stimulate the parasympathetic (relaxing) nervous system of the body. Meditation has the potential to relieve stress, purify the mind, and purify consciousness. Meditation connects us to our core being or core consciousness (soul or Self). While in meditation, the Pituitary Gland releases Oxytocin, Dopamine, Relaxant, Serotonin, Endorphins when making a spiritual connection. It's an internal process that can switch on like a light switch when we take a moment to connect.

If meditation isn't your jam, try going for a walk in nature or another activity that shuts off your mind and causes breathing to slow to a feeling of unshakable peace. Even something as simple as imagining someone is sending you love, helping you, holding you, can help you heal. By visualization alone, your body releases Oxytocin which is associated with increased natural killer cells and increased white blood cells (which trigger an immune response) necessary for healing.

Support Systems

Surround yourself with people that provide support and love versus adding to your fear. For those in your life that contribute to fear, can you explore healthy boundaries to support more beneficial relationships? As tricky as relationships can be, humans are hard-wired for connection. It’s essential to establish and nourish healthy relationships with others.

Gratitude

Gratitude can help boost your immune system, cause feelings of happiness, and help you shift your world view; think Placebo Effect! When we learn lousy news, a common emotion is fear or sadness. Regardless of what is said, if you fear, a positive thought will never reach the body. Fear triggers fight/flight response in the brainstem, which takes our emotional state out of alignment and offline. Suppose you can change your emotional state into one of gratitude. In that case, you believe whatever you're grateful for has already happened. Primed with gratitude, when you say the thought or new belief, your body can receive it, and your body responds accordingly. The more we can feel the feeling as if the feeling is, our body is triggered to grow the nerve cells to make the connections to trigger the brain chemistry to reflect the healing.          

You might consider starting a gratitude practice. For some, this can look like writing down a few things you are grateful for each day. For others, you might pair mentally recalling things you're thankful for while doing an activity such as showering or brushing your teeth.

9 Healing Factors Associated with Radical Remissions 

Kelly Turner, Ph.D. (researcher, author) discovered in her research studying case studies and interviews from those around the world who experienced radical remissions from their illnesses, the nine key healing factors (listed below). Dr. Turner found radical remissions for every single type of cancer occurring in various stages. She found over 75 different things that people have tried to get well, though not everyone used all 75 factors. In her research, she discovered that everyone who got well used these 9 (note only 2 of the following are physical, the rest are mental, emotional, and spiritual):

1. Radically changing your diet

2. Taking control of your health

3. Following your intuition

4. Using herbs and supplements

5. Releasing suppressed emotions

6. Increased positive emotions

7. Embracing social support

8. Deepening your spiritual connection

9. Has a strong reason for living

Counseling

Specifically, to explore patterns (the way our thoughts, feelings, behaviors all influence each other) and shadow (subconscious) work. It's beneficial to have a trusted confidant outside your social network to: vent to, sort through feelings, identify unhealed wounds, process emotions in a healthy way, work to implement behavior changes, find healthier coping mechanisms, assess and enforce healthier boundaries, and help you identify areas where you can move from a space of surviving to thriving.

Conclusion

In conclusion, by doing different things, making other choices, getting beyond certain emotions, and overcoming limited thinking, more possibilities begin to open up. That's when magical things start to happen in a person's life. That tells us that seemingly incurable illnesses are reversible by focusing on the whole person and root causes of disease versus symptoms, which traditional Western medicine tends to focus on. Conventional medicine relies on the old belief system stating illness is tied to genetics and biochemistry, requiring prescriptions to treat these ailments. However, many believe that very few diseases are truly organic (as a result of genetics). The rest is due to the consequences of dealing with chronic stress. According to Dr. Deepak Chopra, medicine is useful in 10% of acute illnesses (physical traumas, emergency, injuries, infections). He recommends a holistic approach to treat chronic diseases (cancer, heart disease, auto-immune diseases. A holistic approach treats the mind, body, emotions, and energetic body, shifting your experience of mind, body, emotions. 

Remember, we regulate ourselves with the choices we make in our lives. Based on what we think, feel, believe, and specifically, the emotions we choose to respond to create what life brings us. It pays to make your mind a healthy place to be. 

Essential Workers & COVID: Time and Space for You

By Concentric Psychotherapist Kylie Cherpes, LCSW, MFT-IT, CYT

In times of great stress, such as now with the COVID-19 pandemic, we each find that we have our own unique way of getting through. Some people find comfort by burrowing in at home and disconnecting from constant reminders of their fears. Others juggle between caring for their vulnerable loved ones and carving out time to connect with the support that they themselves need. Some turn their stress into energy towards solving problems or creating something new. While others hit the ground running, called to serve their community. Though we are all under cumulative stress and doing our best to face changes in our day-to-day norms, some, such as Essential Workers, are being impacted exponentially. Essential Workers are being asked to do more and risk more, all while having less access to what would normally help them respond to and recover from their stress.  

Essential Workers continue their work in environments physically underprepared for a pandemic. In a time that feels precarious, Essential Workers are asked both to stay calm and to stay flexible while managing ever-changing recommendations on how to keep their workplace, selves, and families safe. They spend hours reading, learning, and preparing protocols and responses to “what-if” scenarios that breed uncertainty and anxiety. Even after all of the precautions they take, they wonder if it will be enough to keep their work-family safe. When they leave work to go home they find it hard to relax as guilt, worry, and fear about possibly carrying the virus home to their loved ones enters their mind. Though they may have reached for their family and friends for help, love, and reassurance before, it now seems too risky. Where they would go for support and stress relief before, like churches, gyms, bars, and social outings, are no longer options. And even when there is time for it, it is hard to get restful sleep. 

When unable to respond to stress, especially on-going (chronic) or traumatic stress, the body, mind, emotions, and spirit start to show wear and tear. Those under chronic stress may notice that raw feelings such as fear, anger, helplessness, and sadness seem to be lingering, or other common changes such as an increase in irritability, numbness, bitterness, or detachment (that “spaced-out” or “distant” feeling). Chronic stress can also show up as headaches, stomach aches, and muscle pain, or changes in appetite and sleep. Sometimes those under chronic stress may not even be the first to notice the impact it is having, but instead, those closest to them do. For instance, slips in memory or ability to recall information, mistakes at work that used to be uncommon, or shifts in hygiene and self-care regime may be noticed by work colleagues. Family and friends of those under chronic stress may see their loved one’s constant exhaustion, zoning out, adopting an abnormally cynical outlook on life, or lacking the ability to find pleasure in things they had once experienced as enjoyable. 

As therapists, we can close gaps in the care being offered to Essential Workers by providing access to the mental and emotional support they deserve. To support Essential Workers’ day-to-day functioning and healing, we hold space for them to process and release stress and trauma. Just as each Essential Worker has their own unique way of responding to their stress and trauma, each therapist has their own unique approach and is able to tailor care to each individual they work with. Whether it be brief or long-term, therapy is a safe place for self-expression and a secure place to find relief from fears, anxieties, anger, and sadness. Further, therapy is a place of creativity and strategy, used for building coping skills to reduce distress and restore feelings of stability and hope. 

At this time, we know that the Coronavirus is not going away anytime soon and that things may indeed get worse before they get better. We also know Essential Workers will continue to be asked to bear the brunt of this pandemic with limited space (time, resources, and support) to respond to their stress in their own unique ways. It is not an option to wait to address the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs resulting from the chronic and traumatic stress being endured by our Essential Workers. Unaddressed chronic and traumatic stress does not just go away, it accumulates. As therapists, we see the effects of these stressful days mounting on our Essential Workers, and we respond to say, “We are your Allies.”

Special Announcement: During April through May 2020, Concentric Counseling & Consulting is offering short-term telehealth and virtual video counseling to Essential Workers during these challenging times due to Coronavirus (COVID-19). We are all incredibly grateful for all that you do and we want to give back! You can use your health insurance for teletherapy. Also, for those who do not have insurance coverage or have certain insurance plans and have endured financial hardship due to the impact of COVID, we are offering sliding fee and pro bono to a limited number of Essential Workers.

How to Open a Door When Coronavirus is Closing our Doors

By Concentric Owner Jennifer Larson, LCPC, NCC

Originally posted in The Sounds newspaper, Volume 43, Number 15 on April 4, 2020 and later in published in the Illinois Mental Health Counselors Association (IMHCA), a division of Illinois Counseling Association (ICA), News Update. Click here.

You know the saying “When One Door Closes, Another Door Opens”? During this time, we can’t help to notice closed doors everywhere, from schools to restaurants to places of worship to retailers. Even our home doors are closed, keeping others away and containing us inside.  It may seem overly optimistic to think this quote holds true during this extraordinary and challenging time with COVID-19 knocking on everyone’s door.  Alarm bells are sounded within us daily, the threats are real and experienced by so many, and some of us feel our life has been hijacked.  So how can we during this time envision doors opening up or experience something positive from all of this? 

I am by no means suggesting doors are flying wide-open given the sheer number of doors that are literally closed and even locked. But, if you can take a moment to pause, focus and be intentional, you may find that you can open doors to otherwise missed opportunities. 

Psychotherapist and author Esther Perel states when faced with our own existential anxieties it can open the door to fully living.  Some of us may have been living life on auto-pilot depriving ourselves of certain reflections, experiences or opportunities. So, what does living fully exactly mean?

It can mean a lot of things, but to start, it can mean experiencing each moment and each day in the here-and-now noticing and appreciating all of life’s offerings. Perhaps you had been more disconnected from yourself, no longer appreciating your talents, thoughts, feelings and your body’s capabilities -- which you can now fully appreciate.  Or taking a moment to get out of your head to be fully present and connected with another person can offer you an opportunity to be transported, experiencing life through a different lens other than your own.  Also, fully activating your senses can bring about a subtle, yet powerful sense of fully living.  Consider next time you take a walk outside, notice all of your surroundings paying attention to each of your senses. Notice your positive feelings as you attune to your senses.  

Shawn Achor, an educator, researcher, and author, offers a number of research-based ways to live a happier life. One of them is to take a few minutes each day to write down 1 positive experience within the last 24 hours and provide 3 rich details about that experience. Also, write down your gratitudes, giving specific details.  And reach out to someone to fully express why you appreciate them.  We know giving to others not only makes us feel better, but helps the person on the receiving end feel happier too.

And last, what is something you can look forward to when the shelter-at-home Executive Order is lifted and you can bust out the sheltered seams?  Will it be something specific such as dining at your favorite restaurant?  A ritual or practice you will reacquaint with again?  For me, it will be telling myself “I get to go here or I get do this” which represents a door opening into seeing how choice and freedom are true gifts.