What Are Your Internal Dialogues Trying to Protect You From?

By Concentric Therapist Intern Mara Hundrieser-Acosta, B.A. (Clinical Mental Health Counselor M.A.)

I know I am not the only one that has internal conversations with different parts of myself. Just going back and forth with what I should have done, said, or even experienced. I recently lost my mother to cancer. When someone asks me “How are you doing? I answer with “ I am doing ok, just taking it one day at a time.” but on the inside, my brain is struggling. The actual answer in my mind is, “ I miss my mom, I wish I could see her.” and then another part of my mind answers “I have to cook dinner, wash clothes, put them away, and so much more to do, I feel so overwhelmed.” and another part says, “People will think you don’t have a handle on your life if you let them know how you truly feel.” So, I end up giving a generic answer and smile. 

The conversation inside my mind keeps going even though on the outside I am smiling and making small talk. Sometimes when we have been through hard times, we develop a strong voice that keeps us “in check.” When we view this through an Internal Family Systems (IFS) lens, it's called a Manager. We all have these internal conversations. No, there is nothing wrong with us; it’s just part of how we take care of ourselves internally. You might wonder what I mean about how we take care of ourselves internally. We all go back and forth with all of our parts to try to navigate our lives through stress, anxiety, depression, painful situations, and trauma. Through IFS we can learn what these parts need in order to feel at peace in our life. 

“IFS guides us to offer deep understanding and credible help to the critic and the innumerable other parts who populate our clients’ inner worlds, some of whom long to transform but are stuck in extreme, destructive roles.” -Schwartz & Sweezy (2020)

What is IFS?

Internal Family Systems (IFS), a model of therapy and an approach to better understand ourselves, was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. He has worked on the development of IFS for over 40 years.  Dr. Schwartz holds a Ph.D. in Marriage and Family Therapy and was trained to view and understand people through a systematic lens.  After years of working with families and individuals, Dr. Schwartz noticed how clients would speak about their different inner parts. Just like I shared my internal dialogue about being asked about me in relation to my mother. 

While in session with clients, Dr. Schwartz’s patients would share how they would go back and forth with different parts of themselves.  Dr. Schwartz noticed those parts also operate within a system similar to how a system of family operates. For example, a family system consists of different family members, roles or parts (e.g. parents, children) that interact with each other.  

If we look at humanity or systems with a very wide lens, we notice a system is always in place, starting with our solar system. Dr. Schwartz was able to recognize there is a system that consists of people’s inner parts.  These parts are called Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles. These parts have developed to protect us from harm, trauma, and difficult experiences that have left a wound inside our psyche. They all have a specific role that falls under a three-group system. All of our parts are good, even though they might seem mean or aggressive at times. 

The goal of IFS is to help people become Self-led, which means that their various parts feel loved by the Self and trust the Self’s leadership. IFS therapy has a gentle way to ease the pain of people’s experiences and parts and to help navigate the internal turmoil one often faces throughout life. 

The Roles of Parts: A Three-Group System

In order to understand further this three-group system we need to understand that each group or also called protective parts (Managers, Exiles, and Firefighters) doesn't have just one personality. There are different kinds of Managers; each one has its own role to play, as well as the Exiles and the Firefighters to protect us internally. These three-group systems work with each other and sometimes what feels like against each other in order to keep us safe internally. 

In other words…

One group tends to be highly protective, strategic, and interested in controlling the internal or external environment to keep things safe. In IFS, we call the members of this group Managers. 

A second group contains the most sensitive members of the system. When these parts feel injured or outraged, Managers will banish them for their own protection and the good of the whole system. We call them Exiles. 

A third group tries to stifle, anesthetize, or distract from the feelings of Exiles, reacting powerfully and automatically, without concern for consequences, to their distress as well as to the over-inhibition of Managers. We call these members Firefighters. 

Trauma & Internal Family Systems 

According to Schwartz & Sweezy (2020), internal systems (parts) that are responding to trauma not only divide into these roles, but the protective parts (Managers and Firefighters) also form alliances and get into conflicts with each other and can be very harsh or smothering with the Exile they are trying to protect or ward off. The sadder, more terrified, ashamed, rageful, or sexually charged an Exile is, the more protectors legitimately fear its release and the more extreme they become in their efforts to suppress and constrain them. In turn, the more an exile is suppressed, the more it tries to break out. In this way all three groups become victims of an escalating cycle of internecine* conflict. 

*internecine: destructive to both sides in a conflict.

Example: The more ashamed I feel about a traumatic event that happened to me the more scared the Managers and Firefighters are of me releasing or admitting this shame. So, the Managers and Firefighters will try really hard for me to suppress that shame. Which can mean one can begin to use drugs and alcohol to control that shame, or become very narcissistic in order to push it way down. The Managers and Firefighters believe that if one releases or admits this shame, it (the part) will ultimately fall apart. 

Childhood & Internal Family Systems

The Self can be forceful and protective. Children who have experienced developmental trauma or any abuse of their independence, spontaneity, leadership (or other traits that rely on courage themselves) begin to suppress their courageous side. It takes tremendous courage to go toward terrifying places in the psyche. Many protectors avoid stepping out of their roles because they believe the person would be weak and passive without them. Protectors always have intense fears about allowing clients to open the door to Exiles they locked away years ago in inner dark places. When a client says they are afraid to do something, we know a part in their inner world is speaking. But once the part understands the fearless nature of the Self, its fear (and emotional pain, shame, and rage) surrenders.

IFS Therapy has 4 Goals:

1. To liberate parts from the roles they have been forced into, freeing them to be who they were designed to be.

2. To restore faith in The Self and in Self-Leadership.

3. To re-harmonize the inner system.

4. To encourage the person or client to become increasingly Self-led in their interactions with the world.

So, What Does This All Mean? 

The intention of IFS is for the client to access, experience, and be Self-led, to feel safe, to learn their inner world, and understand how their parts work together or against each other in order to protect them. The more we learn and understand about our parts and what they are trying to tell us; it then becomes easier to identify when they get activated. Understanding who we are, where we have been, and what has hurt us, is what is going to give us the opportunities to heal ourselves. The end goal is to be able to be our own saviors, but to get there we must be willing to surrender and be open to learning. 

Once a person experiences faith in The Self and in Self-leadership, the IFS therapist seeks to help the client develop the Eight C’s. 

The Eight C’s

Curiosity: The client learns to be inquisitive, and have interest rather than be judgmental or fearful. This is where one comes with no agenda, one just wants to learn, know, and understand. There is a sense of feeling at ease and moving forward with wonder. There is a sense of safety that opens the door to vulnerability. 

Calm: After being in a high alert state, where one’s nervous system is often aroused, Self-leadership does the opposite by creating a sense of calm that is both physical and mental. The client is able to accept life on its own terms and there is a sense of resilience and assertiveness. 

Courage: When a client says they are afraid to do something in the inner world, we know a part is speaking. But once the part understands the fearless nature of The Self, its fear (and emotional pain, shame, and rage) surrenders. 

Confidence: The Self validates and comforts its Exiles bringing about an infectious air of confidence, conveying to protector parts that it is safe to relax instead of trying to “let it go and move on” (the typical protector advice that encourages people to abandon and isolate their burdened young parts), injuries can be healed. When Exiles are unburdened, the system becomes less delicate and less reactive, and protective parts are more inclined to trust Self-leadership. 

Connectedness: The Self, in its natural state, experiences the sense of connectedness. Instead of trying really hard to obtain a connection with someone, through trauma bonding.  The Self can now move through the world in harmony. Connectedness links with calm and confidence which altogether links up The Divine. 

The Divine: Through extensive research by Dr. Richard Schwartz this is what he describes as The Divine. “Though they used different words, all the esoteric traditions within the major religions – Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Judaism, Islam – emphasized their same core belief: we are sparks of the eternal flame, manifestations of the absolute ground of being. It turns out that the Divine within – what the Christians call the soul or Christ Consciousness, Buddhists call Buddha Nature, the Hindus Atman, the Taoists Tao, the Sufis the Beloved, the Quakers the Inner Light.” 

Clarity: One can see things more clearly. The distortions are no longer in effect and the extreme beliefs ease as one can see authenticity. Our vision is clear when we see through the eyes of the Self versus when our vision is distorted through the eyes of extreme parts.

Creativity: It’s believed that once the inner turmoil and constant struggle start to quiet down and The Self becomes the leader (aka Self-led), creativity can emerge naturally. This means once the managers start to relax, we can problem-solve with greater ease which becomes second nature. 

Compassion:  Once a client finds some separation or healthy distance from their angry or scared part, they can now see these parts from a compassionate lens.  They can express how sad or sorry they are for those parts and are willing to help them heal. This inherent desire to help their suffering parts signifies and taps into compassion. 

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I hope that after reading all this information there is a part of you that feels compelled to explore IFS. I want to say to “the part” of you that has that interest, that feels like it has been lost, in pain, or any other unresolved feelings; you are important and you deserve to be seen and heard. If you are wondering which part that might be, I am talking to your Self-led part; the part that might be hiding in the shadows for a while. 

We live in a time where we are overworked, overwhelmed, on the go, not getting enough sleep, expecting to be everything and nothing at all, where we have to walk on eggshells, but make a difference. It’s no wonder that our Self-led part feels so overwhelmed and just lost. This is the time when we need to slow down and rebel; which translates to going inside, getting curious about your parts, and reconnecting to who we truly are meant to be.

I know it might sound like a big ask, yet if you go back and read about The Eight C’s and imagine experiencing them, I think it’s all worth the journey of healing. The idea of feeling liberated is what motivates me through the IFS lens. I wish for you and my clients to feel liberated from whatever has been holding you back from being your most authentic self and be connected to your Divine. 

So, next time you have those internal conversations bring awareness to what each part is saying, and ask them what they truly need. They are trying to protect you even if they might sound very harsh or act maladaptively; they just haven’t learned a better way, yet, to communicate with you. Even if you don’t think you have the power within you to heal, to reframe those inner dialogues; you actually do, it’s inside you.

Resources for Consideration

Books: IFS online store | IFS Institute 

Videos: Dr. Richard Schwartz explains Internal Family Systems (IFS) Dr. Richard Schwartz Has A Radical Approach To Healing

Podcast: Multiplicity of the Mind: An Approach To Healing the Inner Self | Dr. Richard Schwartz X Rich Roll

Gentle Embodiment

By Concentric Counselor Emily King, LCPC, NCC

When I notice frustration with frenetic Chicago energy, I often turn my mind towards the mountains. Grounding through imagery has brought me time and time again to the mountains of my childhood. Mount Timpanogos is one of seven major peaks found along Utah’s Wasatch Mountain Range and one of my personal sources of peace.

Years ago, a friend and I began hiking just after midnight to try and reach the summit at sunrise. I‘m reminded of the repetition of those first few hours hiking before daybreak. With time and the quiet repetition of climbing an unfamiliar trail, the mindless chatter of thoughts and anxieties shifted towards personal introspection. Early morning hiking requires a kind of concentration which often feels personally out of reach. I find such comfort within the continuous echo of climbing and breathwork.

The movement allowed me to shift into an individually rare meditative state as I began processing painful dissonance and identity uncertainty. As sunshine began to warm my face and the night became day, a knowing settled into my mind and body. My desire to fully separate from the insular religious culture I had always known and finally accept my queerness was made clear. I can point to those early morning hours as the beginning of my embodiment journey.

The renowned trauma specialist and founder of the Somatic Experiencing (SE) method, Dr. Peter Levine, teaches that embodiment is the joining of one’s cognitive awareness and body-based sensations. The awareness and acceptance that our body is our own. The integration of somatic skills including resourcing, pendulation, and titration can encourage embodiment through gentle reminders that we are more than our minds. More than the solitude of sadness or the suffocation of anxiety.

Resourcing – Resourcing is the practice of inviting our mind/body to attune to sensations of safety or goodness, however small they may be. The process of attending to a felt sense of “okay-ness,” can aid in teaching our nervous system that it can experience stress and return to a state of calm. My resourcing involved intentionally bringing my awareness to that of my social community while allowing that awareness to be felt versus merely imagined.

Pendulation – Pendulation is the natural rhythm between states of expansion and contraction in the nervous system. A resilient nervous system is one that can move back and forth between alertness and action, and calm and rest without getting stuck at either extreme. Pendulation on my hike included allowing introspective moments to be interrupted by levity with my friend and fellow hikers.

Titration – Less is more, slow is best. Titration is the allowing of and honoring one’s desire to not disclose, to pause, and to separate throughout the healing process. I view titration as the autonomous ability to allow our healing to unfold naturally.

For many, it may not feel safe or possible to tune into one’s body sensations or felt sense. The felt sense may be seen as a source of trauma, pain, or hatred. So as not to reactivate our nervous system without proper preparation, it’s important to allow for versus demand embodiment. Trauma aware embodiment is marked by autonomy, invitations, and the ability to pause.

Meeting our body’s cues with curiosity can be one conduit for embodiment. I often encourage gentle movement and breathwork throughout the healing process as an invitation towards the embodied self. When noticing feelings of stuckness or judgment and for those who feel safe when engaging in breathwork, we can return again and again to our breath. Finding sources of anchoring and safety in one’s breath can allow us to join our bodies and orient to the present. Gentle embodiment communicates that we can shift the relationship with our bodies from one of contempt and disregard to one of safety and strength.

Reflection Prompts: Allow this to be a gentle reflective process where you can begin to tune into your body and mind.

·       Inviting a few moments of awareness, begin to notice a few body-based stressors (i.e., physical pain, clothing, sensory distress or overload, etc.).

·       Which emotions arise when noticing such sensations and stressors?

·       What might you need to anchor to your felt sense and validate your emotional experience?

·       Inviting you to call to mind ways others have supported you through body-based stress in the past. Noticing sensations linked to memories of support.

·       For each stressor, identify one compassion-based statement to turn towards when in distress. If possible, pairing the statement with gentle breathwork or tension/release movements can be incredibly regulating.

Utilizing moving meditation and reflective journaling can increase our ability to safely settle into ourselves, eventually inviting gentle embodiment. While individual and systematic barriers may discourage particular forms of mind/body awareness, my hope remains that embodiment can one day be seen as an accessible and democratized therapeutic tool. I know that the process of intentionally learning to notice and understand my body’s role in my healing has felt incredibly freeing.

Heal!

By Concentric Counselor Jordan Perlman, LPC, NCC

The following post is based on the documentary "Heal", Written, Directed, and Produced by Kelly Noonan Gores and Produced by Adam Schomer. "Heal" can be streamed on Netflix and/or iTunes or purchased on DVD or book from www.healdocumentary.com.

What If Mind Over Matter Is True?

Contrary to what many of us have been told, the latest science supports the belief that we are far from victims of unchangeable genes. We can control our health and life by taking a holistic approach to healing. One that remembers just how intelligent the body is and the way our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs affect our overall health. Therefore, healing begins in the mind and can be extremely complex and deeply personal. To treat oneself, one needs to get to the root of what caused the imbalance in the first place.

According to Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., "90% of what takes people to the doctors is stress-related illnesses". "Stress" is a broad term and can be broken down into three primary sources, all of which can knock our brain and body out of balance:

• Physical (accidents, injuries, falls, physical traumas)

• Chemical (bacteria and viruses, hormones in food, heavy metals, hangovers, blood sugar levels)

• Emotional (family tragedies, loss, job, bullying, finances, emotional and sexual trauma, and neglect)  

Most interventions focus exclusively on physical and chemical sources of stress, leading doctors to overprescribe medications that treat the problem's symptoms without addressing the cause, which can often be emotional. A dependence on pharmaceuticals temporarily fixes the symptoms yet this approach neglects the root emotional cause. For many, this approach leads to the development of additional symptoms/diagnoses as a result of the untreated root imbalance. One way to combat this model's limitations is to focus on a holistic healing approach that emphasizes the internal environment that focuses on disease’s emotional causes. Therefore, every person is the architect of their healing and their destiny.

The Incredible Power of the Autonomic Nervous System

Our systems are incredibly smart and adaptive, and long ago, this primed us to face threats that we no longer meet in modern times. Although this function once served us well, it can cause us a bit of trouble in today's society. For example, the nervous system that once primed us for survival in the face of a Saber-Toothed Tiger looks more like an upcoming work meeting that we're anxious about or a fight with our partner. In either case, the untrained nervous system often can't tell the difference and releases Cortisol, Adrenaline, and Noradrenaline designed to mobilizes your energy to run away from and/or fight the predator. When that happens in response to incidents that don't require that level of response, we might be operating outside our windows of tolerance far more frequently than is sustainable.

According to Stem Cell Biologist and Author Bruce Lipton (Ph.D.), when you perceive a threat, your body activates the Adrenal System (fight or flight). Whether you're preparing for an exam or fighting off an attacker, the result is the same, and the Adrenal System is activated. When this starts in response to a relatively benign threat, often, it increases negative, disease-causing consequences. Over time, this chronically impairs your:

• Memory

• Concentration

• Digestion

• Elimination of toxins

• Immune system

This impairment is due to resources being mobilized from the gut, elimination system, immune system, and higher brain centers. The resources are reallocated into the muscles to fight/flight for your life, which is excellent when used in a true life or death situation. However, when this frequently happens, as a result of let’s say chronic stress, this can cause pH levels to rise. If pH levels are high, this leads to an acidic body. An acidic body causes inflammation that, in turn, destroys the body and causes disease. Therefore, it is vital to reduce stress in the body to reduce inflammation and reduce disease. 

The Placebo/Nocebo Effect on Healing

To access our full healing potential, we have to get our minds on board with the belief we can heal. One way to do this is to focus on creating tonic thoughts as tonic thoughts produce tonic chemicals, while toxic thoughts produce toxic chemicals. If we're not careful, our thoughts and beliefs can prevent us from healing even with the best medical intervention. Therefore, if I change my perception (the mind) and change my view about life (and healing), I change the signals adjusting the cells' function, which has enormous implications. 

Although the Placebo Effect is not entirely understood, a consensus assumes that our minds can control the body. The Placebo Effect relies on positive thinking or believing that an intervention can heal by being open to the possibility of getting better via a "treatment" without an actual chemical, physical intervention or remedy. Many have heard of the Placebo Effect (commonly discussed when looking at research). Yet, there is a lesser-known and equally influential phenomenon that also has the potential to alter your life, known as the Nocebo Effect.

The Nocebo Effect occurs from negative thinking, which can cause illness and disease and even cause death. As a result, the power of belief or "mind over matter", is almost everything. Whatever you are thinking and believing in a given moment, your immune system is either told to "stop working" because we have to respond to a stressor, or "everything is cool." In the first example, the Sympathetic Nervous System is activated and pulling resources from the body's other functions. The latter is a parasympathetic response, which puts the body in a mode ideal for rest/digest/healing; your beliefs toggle that switch.

The experience of Dr. Joe Dispenza illustrates an example of the incredible Placebo Effect in action (Read his full story here). In 1986, at the age of 23, Dr. Joe Dispenza was run over by an SUV while competing in a triathlon in Palm Springs, California, and was paralyzed. Instead of opting for the high-risk surgeries recommended to him by his doctors, he focused on using visualization to move his paralyzed limbs and imagined his shattered spine mending. By the power of his mind, Joe was able to make a full recovery, which further supports the notion that one's beliefs can shift biology. 

The Conscious/Subconscious Mind

The Placebo/Nocebo Effect also extends to Epigenetics, which tells us that our environment can select cells' genetic activity. Our beliefs affect our nervous system, and then our nervous system sends information about its environment. The cells adjust to interact with the world, which stems from consciousness, which is an interpretation of one’s perceived reality. Therefore, my mind is interpreting my environment; by changing the environment, or the perception of their environment, one can control their genetic activity. This takes people from a space of being victims of hereditary to a master of gene activity capable of creating a different reality. 

All of this sounds relatively simple, right? Wrong. The majority of this process is unconscious, which complicates things exponentially. We know that our Conscious Mind and our Subconscious Mind are two interdependent minds that work together. When the conscious mind is engaged in thinking, the subconscious mind is the autopilot's default program, carrying out whatever chore needs doing. The subconscious mind is comprised of downloading (mostly) other people's behaviors. Think of your Mother, Father, siblings, and community during the first seven years of your life when you're essentially a sponge to the world, absorbing other's patterns with little discretion. When our environment growing up is healthy, that's excellent news. However, that's not the reality for many who grew up with less than ideal upbringings.

Regardless of your situation, we all developed blueprints on coping and processing emotions based on what we saw growing up. For some, these memories may not have fully developed, leading to reexperiencing that unprocessed memory every time we get triggered as if it's happening for the first time. One can attempt to outrun the subconscious mind. Though to heal, it's crucial to face it, see the problem, and recognize the systems and stressors as meaningful and intelligent and necessary to wake us up to our patterns to choose a different way. These unconscious beliefs are often running our lives. By asking, "what is this pain or disease trying to tell me?" you can create space for answers to come (Pro-tip: you can use that trick with any thought, feeling, memory, behavior, and you might be surprised what might come up). Additionally, therapy can help make the unconscious conscious, helping release stuck energy trapped in the body via processing previously unprocessed emotions and memories. 

Factors Scientifically Proven to Contribute to Healing

So now that you know you're more in control of your healing than perhaps previously thought, what can YOU do about it? First and foremost, healing cannot occur while you're chronically operating in a state of Sympathetic Nervous System (fight/flight) activation. One must move into the Parasympathetic Nervous System (rest/digest) to heal. There are a variety of ways to do this, and some of them are listed below.

Meditation

Based on the research by Dr. Herbert Benson, meditation is said to "shut down fight or flight response and stimulate the parasympathetic (relaxing) nervous system of the body. Meditation has the potential to relieve stress, purify the mind, and purify consciousness. Meditation connects us to our core being or core consciousness (soul or Self). While in meditation, the Pituitary Gland releases Oxytocin, Dopamine, Relaxant, Serotonin, Endorphins when making a spiritual connection. It's an internal process that can switch on like a light switch when we take a moment to connect.

If meditation isn't your jam, try going for a walk in nature or another activity that shuts off your mind and causes breathing to slow to a feeling of unshakable peace. Even something as simple as imagining someone is sending you love, helping you, holding you, can help you heal. By visualization alone, your body releases Oxytocin which is associated with increased natural killer cells and increased white blood cells (which trigger an immune response) necessary for healing.

Support Systems

Surround yourself with people that provide support and love versus adding to your fear. For those in your life that contribute to fear, can you explore healthy boundaries to support more beneficial relationships? As tricky as relationships can be, humans are hard-wired for connection. It’s essential to establish and nourish healthy relationships with others.

Gratitude

Gratitude can help boost your immune system, cause feelings of happiness, and help you shift your world view; think Placebo Effect! When we learn lousy news, a common emotion is fear or sadness. Regardless of what is said, if you fear, a positive thought will never reach the body. Fear triggers fight/flight response in the brainstem, which takes our emotional state out of alignment and offline. Suppose you can change your emotional state into one of gratitude. In that case, you believe whatever you're grateful for has already happened. Primed with gratitude, when you say the thought or new belief, your body can receive it, and your body responds accordingly. The more we can feel the feeling as if the feeling is, our body is triggered to grow the nerve cells to make the connections to trigger the brain chemistry to reflect the healing.          

You might consider starting a gratitude practice. For some, this can look like writing down a few things you are grateful for each day. For others, you might pair mentally recalling things you're thankful for while doing an activity such as showering or brushing your teeth.

9 Healing Factors Associated with Radical Remissions 

Kelly Turner, Ph.D. (researcher, author) discovered in her research studying case studies and interviews from those around the world who experienced radical remissions from their illnesses, the nine key healing factors (listed below). Dr. Turner found radical remissions for every single type of cancer occurring in various stages. She found over 75 different things that people have tried to get well, though not everyone used all 75 factors. In her research, she discovered that everyone who got well used these 9 (note only 2 of the following are physical, the rest are mental, emotional, and spiritual):

1. Radically changing your diet

2. Taking control of your health

3. Following your intuition

4. Using herbs and supplements

5. Releasing suppressed emotions

6. Increased positive emotions

7. Embracing social support

8. Deepening your spiritual connection

9. Has a strong reason for living

Counseling

Specifically, to explore patterns (the way our thoughts, feelings, behaviors all influence each other) and shadow (subconscious) work. It's beneficial to have a trusted confidant outside your social network to: vent to, sort through feelings, identify unhealed wounds, process emotions in a healthy way, work to implement behavior changes, find healthier coping mechanisms, assess and enforce healthier boundaries, and help you identify areas where you can move from a space of surviving to thriving.

Conclusion

In conclusion, by doing different things, making other choices, getting beyond certain emotions, and overcoming limited thinking, more possibilities begin to open up. That's when magical things start to happen in a person's life. That tells us that seemingly incurable illnesses are reversible by focusing on the whole person and root causes of disease versus symptoms, which traditional Western medicine tends to focus on. Conventional medicine relies on the old belief system stating illness is tied to genetics and biochemistry, requiring prescriptions to treat these ailments. However, many believe that very few diseases are truly organic (as a result of genetics). The rest is due to the consequences of dealing with chronic stress. According to Dr. Deepak Chopra, medicine is useful in 10% of acute illnesses (physical traumas, emergency, injuries, infections). He recommends a holistic approach to treat chronic diseases (cancer, heart disease, auto-immune diseases. A holistic approach treats the mind, body, emotions, and energetic body, shifting your experience of mind, body, emotions. 

Remember, we regulate ourselves with the choices we make in our lives. Based on what we think, feel, believe, and specifically, the emotions we choose to respond to create what life brings us. It pays to make your mind a healthy place to be. 

Where's My Coconut Radio?

By Concentric Counselor Christian Younginer, LPC, NCC

When reaching into my therapeutic bag of tools, seldom do 1960’s TV shows come out. But as I sit in the world that is my apartment these days, I found a kinship with those fateful souls marooned on Gilligan’s Island. 

I ran with this idea, not wondering where it would lead, but I had nothing else to do- as is often the case in this shelter-in-place. For those not familiar with the premise of the TV show: a merry group of vacationers, under the impression that they would be taking a 3-hour tour (a three-hour tourrrr), are tossed about in the seas and left stranded on an island, with only the clothes on their backs, their wits, and the several large steamer trunks of clothes packed by an ostentatiously wealthy couple. 

While not anywhere close to being alive in the 1960s, I am well aware that the decade as a whole requires a suspension of disbelief to make sense of it, and Gilligan’s Island is no different. Throughout the series, the Professor constructs various and outlandish gizmos and contraptions with nothing more than coconuts and acceptance by the viewer. And this is the crux of why this show came to me while pacing my apartment. The Professor, the eponymous inventor who was on this tour for some reason, built a coconut radio… A radio, made of coconuts. Not like a transmitter to call for help, just a radio. And it’s this level of acceptance that I think can be therapeutically useful during our new reality in this pandemic. 

A person who makes a coconut radio is not a person who is waiting to be rescued. This invention speaks to these ill-prepared islanders’ acceptance and presentness of their situation. Hell, they never even tried to fix the boat. 

This got me wondering: what is my coconut radio? What is something that can help me accept that I am not in control right now, but find a way to live within the situation handed to me? I am not in control of when this shelter-in-place will be lifted. I am not in control of what the world will look like in 1 month, 6 months, a year after this pandemic. But just in the same way the folks on Gilligan’s Island arrived (surprisingly quickly too) at a place of peace with their circumstances, maybe I can find a way to sit back, make a coconut radio, and find control where I can. 

Planning for the future, for when quarantine and the pandemic are over, keeps me from living inside the quarantine and the pandemic. And if I’m unable to live in it, then I’m nervously ticking off the days, festering in the anxiety of my apartment. So this is my challenge to myself, find my coconut radio. Find something that helps me stay present and accepting of my surroundings, rather than dreaming of a time when I can get off this island.

Essential Workers & COVID: Time and Space for You

By Concentric Psychotherapist Kylie Cherpes, LCSW, MFT-IT, CYT

In times of great stress, such as now with the COVID-19 pandemic, we each find that we have our own unique way of getting through. Some people find comfort by burrowing in at home and disconnecting from constant reminders of their fears. Others juggle between caring for their vulnerable loved ones and carving out time to connect with the support that they themselves need. Some turn their stress into energy towards solving problems or creating something new. While others hit the ground running, called to serve their community. Though we are all under cumulative stress and doing our best to face changes in our day-to-day norms, some, such as Essential Workers, are being impacted exponentially. Essential Workers are being asked to do more and risk more, all while having less access to what would normally help them respond to and recover from their stress.  

Essential Workers continue their work in environments physically underprepared for a pandemic. In a time that feels precarious, Essential Workers are asked both to stay calm and to stay flexible while managing ever-changing recommendations on how to keep their workplace, selves, and families safe. They spend hours reading, learning, and preparing protocols and responses to “what-if” scenarios that breed uncertainty and anxiety. Even after all of the precautions they take, they wonder if it will be enough to keep their work-family safe. When they leave work to go home they find it hard to relax as guilt, worry, and fear about possibly carrying the virus home to their loved ones enters their mind. Though they may have reached for their family and friends for help, love, and reassurance before, it now seems too risky. Where they would go for support and stress relief before, like churches, gyms, bars, and social outings, are no longer options. And even when there is time for it, it is hard to get restful sleep. 

When unable to respond to stress, especially on-going (chronic) or traumatic stress, the body, mind, emotions, and spirit start to show wear and tear. Those under chronic stress may notice that raw feelings such as fear, anger, helplessness, and sadness seem to be lingering, or other common changes such as an increase in irritability, numbness, bitterness, or detachment (that “spaced-out” or “distant” feeling). Chronic stress can also show up as headaches, stomach aches, and muscle pain, or changes in appetite and sleep. Sometimes those under chronic stress may not even be the first to notice the impact it is having, but instead, those closest to them do. For instance, slips in memory or ability to recall information, mistakes at work that used to be uncommon, or shifts in hygiene and self-care regime may be noticed by work colleagues. Family and friends of those under chronic stress may see their loved one’s constant exhaustion, zoning out, adopting an abnormally cynical outlook on life, or lacking the ability to find pleasure in things they had once experienced as enjoyable. 

As therapists, we can close gaps in the care being offered to Essential Workers by providing access to the mental and emotional support they deserve. To support Essential Workers’ day-to-day functioning and healing, we hold space for them to process and release stress and trauma. Just as each Essential Worker has their own unique way of responding to their stress and trauma, each therapist has their own unique approach and is able to tailor care to each individual they work with. Whether it be brief or long-term, therapy is a safe place for self-expression and a secure place to find relief from fears, anxieties, anger, and sadness. Further, therapy is a place of creativity and strategy, used for building coping skills to reduce distress and restore feelings of stability and hope. 

At this time, we know that the Coronavirus is not going away anytime soon and that things may indeed get worse before they get better. We also know Essential Workers will continue to be asked to bear the brunt of this pandemic with limited space (time, resources, and support) to respond to their stress in their own unique ways. It is not an option to wait to address the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs resulting from the chronic and traumatic stress being endured by our Essential Workers. Unaddressed chronic and traumatic stress does not just go away, it accumulates. As therapists, we see the effects of these stressful days mounting on our Essential Workers, and we respond to say, “We are your Allies.”

Special Announcement: During April through May 2020, Concentric Counseling & Consulting is offering short-term telehealth and virtual video counseling to Essential Workers during these challenging times due to Coronavirus (COVID-19). We are all incredibly grateful for all that you do and we want to give back! You can use your health insurance for teletherapy. Also, for those who do not have insurance coverage or have certain insurance plans and have endured financial hardship due to the impact of COVID, we are offering sliding fee and pro bono to a limited number of Essential Workers.

How to Open a Door When Coronavirus is Closing our Doors

By Concentric Owner Jennifer Larson, LCPC, NCC

Originally posted in The Sounds newspaper, Volume 43, Number 15 on April 4, 2020 and later in published in the Illinois Mental Health Counselors Association (IMHCA), a division of Illinois Counseling Association (ICA), News Update. Click here.

You know the saying “When One Door Closes, Another Door Opens”? During this time, we can’t help to notice closed doors everywhere, from schools to restaurants to places of worship to retailers. Even our home doors are closed, keeping others away and containing us inside.  It may seem overly optimistic to think this quote holds true during this extraordinary and challenging time with COVID-19 knocking on everyone’s door.  Alarm bells are sounded within us daily, the threats are real and experienced by so many, and some of us feel our life has been hijacked.  So how can we during this time envision doors opening up or experience something positive from all of this? 

I am by no means suggesting doors are flying wide-open given the sheer number of doors that are literally closed and even locked. But, if you can take a moment to pause, focus and be intentional, you may find that you can open doors to otherwise missed opportunities. 

Psychotherapist and author Esther Perel states when faced with our own existential anxieties it can open the door to fully living.  Some of us may have been living life on auto-pilot depriving ourselves of certain reflections, experiences or opportunities. So, what does living fully exactly mean?

It can mean a lot of things, but to start, it can mean experiencing each moment and each day in the here-and-now noticing and appreciating all of life’s offerings. Perhaps you had been more disconnected from yourself, no longer appreciating your talents, thoughts, feelings and your body’s capabilities -- which you can now fully appreciate.  Or taking a moment to get out of your head to be fully present and connected with another person can offer you an opportunity to be transported, experiencing life through a different lens other than your own.  Also, fully activating your senses can bring about a subtle, yet powerful sense of fully living.  Consider next time you take a walk outside, notice all of your surroundings paying attention to each of your senses. Notice your positive feelings as you attune to your senses.  

Shawn Achor, an educator, researcher, and author, offers a number of research-based ways to live a happier life. One of them is to take a few minutes each day to write down 1 positive experience within the last 24 hours and provide 3 rich details about that experience. Also, write down your gratitudes, giving specific details.  And reach out to someone to fully express why you appreciate them.  We know giving to others not only makes us feel better, but helps the person on the receiving end feel happier too.

And last, what is something you can look forward to when the shelter-at-home Executive Order is lifted and you can bust out the sheltered seams?  Will it be something specific such as dining at your favorite restaurant?  A ritual or practice you will reacquaint with again?  For me, it will be telling myself “I get to go here or I get do this” which represents a door opening into seeing how choice and freedom are true gifts.

Remember The Weatherperson?

By Concentric Counselor Christian Younginer, LPC, NCC

What We Wish Life Were Like

The Curiosity rover landed on Mars August 6th, 2012, the end of a flight that began November 26th, 2011-- 9 months prior. At its traveling speeds, all predetermined by NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL), scientists had to calculate where an orbiting planet would be 9 months from the moment of launch. In fact, they needed to know where Mars would be years in advance as they began building and programming the rover. They were able to plan for, predict, and pinpoint the location of a planet hurtling through space at 53,600 mph, rotating at 532 mph down to the meter to land a rover on its surface.

This is possible due to the predictability of the celestial bodies. Astronomers from thousands of years ago plotted out eclipses for hundreds of generations into the future, with impressive accuracy. It’s that there just aren’t very many variables in space; bodies in motion stay in motion, unless a force acts on them. And if no force does, they keep on trucking. Thus, their location is predictable. This does not mean that any part of landing a rover on another planet is easy--it’s just possible.

What Life Is Actually Like

Conversely, it is a common occurrence that shuttle launches are cancelled, last minute, tanks fueled, on the pad- due to weather… Earth weather. A shuttle, bound for space, to another planet, is grounded because humans cannot accurately predict the weather more than a couple of days out. And even then it can be a crapshoot. 

The reason for this comes down to something much more akin to living life: variables and information. There are simply too many variables to predict and too much information we’re not able to know. For example, if I knew the direction and velocity of every air particle on Earth, I could give you an accurate weather model. Obviously, this is not possible. So we’re left making educated guesses, working with what we have, and most importantly a social understanding that forecasts are guesses, not gospel. With this understanding comes a grace--sometimes annoyance--but a grace for being wrong. An ‘it’s out of our hands’ amenableness that wonderfully conflicts with the modern American desire for planning, preparation, and predictability. 

What Can We Do?

So often we try to plan for every eventuality, scrutinizing the details, languishing in an anxious mire of a desire for control, only to see our plans crash into a Martian hillside, due to an unforeseen variable. 

Often, the anxious try to view life with such a level of predictability. Hopes that the world will fit into plans and preparations, only to be disappointed when something unaccounted for goes awry. Often times this desire for control flows into our lives as a nagging generalized anxiety, a worry for all things in an effort to be prepared for every outcome. We wish life were as predictable as space travel. As oxymoronic as it sounds, going about our day may be more complicated than rocket science. And we tell ourselves that the stakes are just as high. 

As mentioned in regards to weather, the secret lies in the ability to tolerate the ambiguity of an uncertain system. We can be disappointed with an inaccurate weather report, but continue on to the next day. Yes it can suck when it rains when the news said it wouldn’t, but we don’t hold ourselves responsible for the outcome. In our own lives, we can place an enormous amount of responsibility on ourselves, often for things not in our control. We can assault ourselves with a barrage of ‘should have planned for it’ , ‘should have seen it coming’, or ‘should have done it differently’. All of which are the equivalent of looking at Tuesday’s weather and telling yourself you should’ve known that on Monday. 

Maybe we can have the same grace for the weatherperson, AND with ourselves. If we get it wrong, be disappointed for a bit, be annoyed, but let it go. Tomorrow is another day to try again. If we find ourselves feeling anxious about the ambiguity of life, rather than try to think out the outcomes, what if we gave ourselves permission to feel anxious for a bit? Feeling anxious about the ambiguity of every day is not a failing, but rather an admission to one’s self that we don’t have enough information. And instead of punishing ourselves for trying to know something we can’t, maybe we can have a little grace with ourselves, and remember the weatherperson.