Your Voice Matters: Honest Discussion about Mental Health and Addiction

By Concentric Counselor Jennifer Larson, LCPC, NCC

It’s been about 3 months since Concentric Counseling & Consulting hosted its first On The Table 2017 conversation, and I am still impacted by the experience.  First let me backpedal to how I first learned about The Kennedy Forum, one of the co-sponsors of On The Table. 

It was the Fall of 2015 and I was having a conversation with my friend Caroline McAteer about various social issues and she had asked me if I heard of The Kennedy Forum.  Much to my chagrin, I had sheepishly told her that I hadn’t.  She told me about The Kennedy Forum’s mission and details of their annual meeting.  I was instantly intrigued and had to dig in.

Of the many things learned, one of them was Patrick Kennedy of The Kennedy Forum and his involvement with The Mental Health and Addiction Parity Act of 2008; he is still putting forth advocacy efforts to have The Act enforced on a national level.  I remember the buzz just before The Act went into federal law as I knew all too well the red tape and consequences people, including my own therapy clients, faced with limited mental health sessions imposed by insurance companies.

Fast forward to Spring 2017, and I learned about On The Table initiatives (co-sponsored by The Kennedy Forum and The Chicago Community Trust). Once again, I was intrigued.  On The Table initiative is about having people host open and honest conversations about mental health and addiction in effort to #BreakTheSilence and eliminate the stigma around mental illness and addiction that still greatly exists. 

As a counselor, I regularly encourage my clients to use their voice whether it is to share, increase vulnerability or intimacy, honor or advocate for oneself, and to work through the shame that often plagues people with mental illness and addiction. 

The focus of psychotherapy with my clients typically entails understanding and resolving challenges with one’s intrapsychic and interpersonal relationships (represented by inner concentric circles, hence the name Concentric) versus the larger, social systems (outer concentric circles).  Participating and joining forces with other hosts to help end the stigma associated with mental health and addiction while giving people an opportunity to use their voice fit Concentric’s mission with helping others to your their voice – but this time on a macro level.    

On May 16, 2017, the therapists at Concentric Counseling & Consulting hosted its first On The Table 2017 conversation in Millennium Park, across the street from our office.  It was an unseasonably warm and windy day, and our topic was "Your Voice Matters: Mental Health and Addiction.  Honest Discussion About Why More People Don't Seek Out Help." 

We had an incredibly diverse group of people who actively participated.  It was such an honor to hear people’s stories and ideas about why more people don’t seek out help.  So many stories and barriers were shared.  Common themes emerged and were extracted.  Follows are some of the common themes people described that either prevented them or others they know from seeking services:

• Stigma, embarrassment, and shame. Seeking help is seen as a weakness. What will my family and friends really think about me? Will I be seen as a ‘nutcase?’ Denial about having a problem or my ego getting in the way.

• Financial burden and obligations. Lacking financial resources all together. Treatment is a privilege for only those who can afford it. Lack or poor insurance coverage. All of the convoluted layers to insurance coverage.

• Lack of information and available resources on how and where to find mental health and addiction services. Example given was local university offered free counseling services to its students but was not aware of services until his senior year of college. Not knowing how to access services or where to start. Location and other barriers to gaining access to solid services.

• Cultural barriers and roadblocks, including families of certain cultures not supportive of mental health services. Experience with providers who lack cultural, gender identity, and sexual orientation competence. Religious barriers and lack of supports within religious communities.

It is a reminder to all of that us that suffering from mental illness and/or addition is hard in of itself, not to mention having to endure additional barriers that get in the way of seeking and accessing help.  Some of the solutions shared were not only to address or remove the aforementioned barriers and roadblocks, but to focus on the equity of mental and physical health. 

People remarked how it is much easier and more acceptable to talk about their physical ailments, but not their mental health.  Let’s look at people wholistically and give the mental health side the same due attention and respect.  Another solution shared was to target childhood prevention. 

One of the guests remarked in early childhood, we learn the importance of daily hygiene, such as brushing our teeth daily.  Why not introduce conversation around mental health care at an early age or make mental health education mandatory in schools.   Also, when providing education on mental illness and addiction, don’t use extreme or scare tactics, such as the “This is Your Brain” drug campaign did in the 1980s.  Guests remarked it only silences people more. Instead, provide a spectrum of information that can resonate with or speak to a variety of people across all ages and cultures.

My hope is that the information shared from our diverse group in Chicago can continue to be shared with others. And importantly, inspire all of us to participate in more active conversations about mental health and addiction whether it’s in your home, at work, in your community or as an On The Table host.  Because Your Voice Does Matter!      

Moms -- You Hold the Key to Your Daughter's Healthy Body Image

By Concentric Counselor Michelle Taufmann, LCSW

Excerpt from Neighborhood Parents Network (NPN) blog: Moms, You're The Key To Your Daughters' Positive Body Image

How do we equip girls with a positive body image? It’s a never-ending question that doesn’t seem to wane no matter the advances of women in society. Articles in the press in recent years suggest that mothers are the most influential when it comes to girls’ attitudes toward their bodies. While societal messages, stereotypes and peers are influential forces, mothers are their daughters' primary teacher when it comes to beliefs toward body and physical mage. 

How do mothers influence their daughters’ body image a healthy way? Focus your attention on the function and ability of body. When mothers appreciate their own and their daughters’ bodies for what they are capable of— resilience, flexibility, strength, and endurance —they help their daughters develop a positive perspective on their bodies. This one may be obvious, but is worth saying for those who have any doubts: Do not make negative comments or claims about your daughter’s body (e.g., “Wow, you sure got my thick ankles, didn’t you?"). It’s even best to keep favorable comments about your daughter's image to a minimum in effort to prevent over-identification with the body. Another “no-no” is supporting your daughter to diet or “watch her weight” (unless it’s medically necessary). Even if dieting is her idea or because her friends are doing it.  Discourage it and take some time to have a healthy discussion about it.

Want to know more about how to be how you can help your daugther have a positive body image?  The entire blog can be found by clicking here.

How to Bring Up an Important or Sensitive Topic to a Person?

By Concentric Counselor Jennifer Larson, LCPC, NCC

It’s been six months since my last blog post, so it’s much overdue.  There has been no shortage of topics to write about as they perpetually swirl around in my head – it’s now just a matter of carving out the time to be intentional about writing again.  So, here I go. 

This is one of my favorite topics as it comes up fairly regularly in sessions, not to mention I love helping people to learn how to establish and maintain boundaries while learning how to be a better communicator. Please know this blog just scratches the surface as there are many facets when it comes to boundaries and communication, but at least these pointers can be the launching pad you need to start. 

People consistently ask how to bring up an important or sensitive topic to a person while at the same time not hurting their feelings, making the situation worse, or coming off as a jerk.  While we cannot ultimately control the outcome of the interaction or the other person’s feelings, we most certainly can prepare and use an approach that can increase the chances of a better outcome keeping in mind integrity, respect, and boundaries. 

For some, it takes a lot of courage and strength to confront a person. So, if this is you, give yourself a pat on the back for taking this difficult step.  Some people may feel somewhat comfortable or even enjoy confronting, but may neglect to do it somewhat well.  Whatever your situation is, just remember it may be awkward to learn something new, it’s okay to make mistakes along the way.  You will get better with further learning and practice.  As we therapists love to say, “It’s a process.” 

One of the first things to consider is what is your intention (or goal) for bringing up an important topic to another.  Is it to clarify a situation, better understand another, ask someone if they can meet a need of yours, or come up with a solution?  For purposes of having this conversation, try to clearly define your intention(s) coming up with only one or two.  If there are more areas to cover with this person, you can parcel out over time with several conversations.  But for this initial conversation, you don’t want to fire off a litany of items all at once. 

Ok, so you now have your 1-2 intentions.  Next, you will want to ‘invite’ the person to have a conversation with you.  You do not want to spring it on this person when he or she least expects it.  You want to be mindful of not only when you are available to provide your full attention, but also when the other person is completely available.  The invite can be, “I would like to talk to you about something that is really important to me, are you around to chat tonight over dinner or tomorrow morning?” 

The day, time and possibly place have been pinned down.  Next is the anticipation of actually having the conversation.  You may be fraught with anxiety, fear, or other unpleasant feelings.  If this is the case, it’s perfectly normal and okay.  Keep in mind, the other person may be just anxious.  Just remember this person and topic are important to you, and you are approaching this person with your best intentions and method of communication. 

The time has come to engage with one another.  You can warm up the interaction by either acknowledging or thanking the person for being open to talking or you can briefly state something that is positive about that person or the two of you.  This warm-up can help ease both of you into the conversation while setting a positive (or even neutral) tone.

After easing in, you will share your thoughts and feelings by speaking from an “I” position versus opening the dialogue with “You.”  Speaking from an “I” position shows accountability and ownership whereas entering the conversation with “You” can put the person on the defense.  For instance, “I have been bothered lately by the lack of connection or sex between us”, “I have concerns about our how you address disciplining our child and want to learn more about your position on this”, “I am feeling overwhelmed and would like some support from you with the household chores" or "I would like to talk about the restaurant incident the other day.”  Remember you are the one who ultimately wants this conversation, so it is up to you to share you (your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and beliefs). 

Try your best not to blame the other person, be critical or judgmental, talking down to the person or going into demands and commands.  Also, try your best to suspend those pesky loaded terms, such as “always”, “never” or “should."  Use these words judiciously as they often do not depict complete accuracy (e.g. You never compliment me; You are always rude) not to mention these words can convey judgment and criticism (You should want to be a better partner to me; You should know what I want). 

Also, be mindful of your tone, choice of words, body language, including facial expressions.  Eye-rolling, using offensive language, speaking in a patronizing tone or yelling, sitting with your arm crossed are some examples that will undermine the conversation.  You want to work towards conveying both verbally and non-verbally openness, equity, and respect. 

So, you’ve shared your thoughts keeping these key items in mind, now what?  Depending on the topic or person, the conversation can go in a variety of directions.  For brevity sake, let’s say worse-case scenario is this person reacts negatively to you.  Depending on the type of negativity, you may need to remove yourself from the conversation, pause the conversation until both of you are in a better spot to chat constructively or you can redirect the interaction by expressing your overall intention and that you would like to reciprocate by also fully listening and understanding the other person.  You can ask for a commitment that both of you will try your best.  It’s okay if the two of you may not agree or feel the same way.  For you, you are learning how to bring up an important topic to another with a few tools in your bag.  

Go ahead, and give it whirl -- you're on your way to learning how to approach people with topics that matter to you!      

One Way Chicagoans' Mental Health May be Compromised

By Concentric Counselor Jennifer Larson, LCPC, NCC

A little insight into the world of counseling:  Generally in therapy, psychotherapists tend to help and understand people’s concerns, challenges, and symptoms within the contexts of relationships and environments.  Typically, the focus of those relationships and environments are explored on a micro-level.  When I say micro-level, I am referring to the inner circles within a concentric circle (an example is Bronfenbreener’s Ecological Theory of Development concentric circle).

The innermost circle represents the individual person and everything inherent about this person.  The next inner circle represents the more direct people and environments in that person’s life, such as one’s family, friends, work and school peers as well as one’s home, school, or place of work.  It is not to say that as therapists we do not explore an individual’s macro-level or larger influential social, economic, and cultural systems, but in general we tend to focus on the more intimate aspects of one’s life in psychotherapy. 

Today I want to take the time to zoom out and acknowledge the macro systems operating in Chicago and the state of Illinois and its impact on individuals and families.  A time to honor Chicagoans and others who may live, work, or attend school in Chicago who are consistently impacted by the long-standing city and state’s financial woes and troubles.  As someone who lives, works, and listens to people in Chicago, I understand these can be difficult times for many who are consistently dismayed, frustrated, and down-right angry with our government and politics. 

It can be hard for some to take time-outs and breaks from the constant chatter, news, and information that circulate and hovers around us.  Whether it is a lack of an Illinois state budget, Chicago Public Schools’ (CPS) financial troubles and recent budget cuts, Chicago’s crimes, many services and programs cut, problems within the Chicago Police Department, or the increased cost of living -- the list is long, and the impact is real. 

These macro-systems affect individuals and families on many levels, including compromised mental health and well-being.  If you can relate and find these city and state-wide issues are real to you and impact your emotional and psychological well-being, you are most certainly not alone.  Everyone deals and copes in different ways, such as being vocal and advocating for change, getting into decision-making mode with preparing and planning, or internalizing all of it finding a way to distract and escape from it. 

I encourage you to acknowledge, emote, and talk about the impact of these larger systems on your life, but I also encourage you not to get completely engulfed and swept away in it.  It’s not good for your mental health.  There is an analogy in mindfulness which encourages people to step behind the waterfall and simply watch and acknowledge its presence and details, but not to jump into it which would lead to a tumultuous ride and possibly and ultimately, one’s demise.  Conversely, do not turn your back to it and ignore or deny its reality.    

If you find that you are feeling the weight of our local news and politics, bringing you down or increasing  your anxiety, take a moment to acknowledge, but then step back and shift your attention to something that restores you such as connecting with others, reading a book, connecting to your body with movement or getting into a creative space.  After all, we cannot control all of the external happenings in our life, but we can control how we cope and respond. Hope you are able to carve out some 'self-care' time during these times.    

Using Your Voice

By Concentric Counselor Jennifer Larson, LCPC, NCC

We believe in the importance of using your voice.  We believe in the importance of honoring one’s needs and wants by giving oneself permission to be vocal in a constructive, productive way.  We believe in being authentic and congruent -- what you are saying is what you are feeling or thinking. 

Sure, there are times and situations where congruency is unwarranted, such as when an acquaintance in passing may ask, “Hi, how are you?”  and you give the proverbial “Fine” response when you are really feeling down and out.  We are not talking about these shop-talk situations, but situations and relationships that evoke something of more significance or meaning to you.  

In the recent months, we have heard many vocalize their needs and wants and subsequently -- Call To Action -- with the shooting of Laquan McDonald.  And just a few days ago, Chicago Public School (CPS) high school students used their voice to express their needs in the Are We Equal? – Chicago Public Schools video:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tYBf3WA6WI

So, if you have been internalizing, containing your thoughts and feelings of late, we are giving you permission to honor yourself to be congruent and vocal.  Whether you are struggling with a family member, your loved one, friend or a larger system, such as your community or school, we encourage you to use your voice to share or advocate.  We just have one request:  Express yourself in a meaningful way that is mindful and productive.  Go ahead and give it a try.  We believe in you. 

Post Thanksgiving, Keep the Gratitudes Coming

By Jennifer Larson, LCPC, NCC

Most of us have just returned from spending the Thanksgiving holiday with family and friends who are far and near. The Thanksgiving holiday reminds us to reflect upon and express our gratitude to others as the Pilgrims did with the Native Americans over their 3-day feast.  The Native Americans helped the Pilgrims to adapt to a different habitat and culture by teaching them the fundamental skills for survival and living.  This type of relationship is analogous to other relationships, such as parents and children, teachers and students, mentors and mentees. 

If you have not already expressed your gratitude during Thanksgiving -- not to worry.  It’s never too late to express your gratitude to the people who have taken the time to teach you a thing or two or who have simply been there as a source of support.  Sharing your gratitude is not only a gift to the receiver, but also a gift to you as it promotes overall health and well-being.   This is good stuff not to overlook -- so go ahead and start gratituding.